Monday, December 14, 2009

Marriage Matches May be Made in Heaven, But ...

Most girls have always dreamt of a particular way of the way they want their marriage to be. And for a lot of them, since they've quite young, they have an image in their mind of how the event would be. It is after all, one of the biggest days in their life. In some Indian cultures, it is said that birth, death and marriage are the three biggest things in a person life and one has no control on the three of them.
Have been noticing for some years how stressful planning a marriage can be. I want to divide this blog entry in two parts - on the financial stress and the overall stress that comes in to being with planning a wedding. Marriages in India are increasingly about keeping up with social norms, doing things at a wedding because other friends did it and to avoid adverse social gossip. In the recent past, have seen families where a marriage was going to take place and the bride-to-be or the parents took a loan for the wedding. The money would be used to get the trousseau, get gifts for the family and the new family, get jewelry for the bride, paying the rent for the marriage hall and much more. Have seen some cases where the bride and groom or one of them didn't want an extravagant wedding, but had to have one to fulfill a family's desires.
I have heard instances where after the wedding is completed, it is not that easy to pay a loan off. In India, with everyday living getting more expensive, re-paying the loan amount taken for a wedding is definitely not easy. And in the end, how much ever one strives for perfection and keeping up with the times for social events like this, those who want to find faults will still continue to. Someone told me that they took a loan, but felt that rather than respect everyone's desires, they should have kept it simple and not taken hefty loans.
I was talking about this with A, and he felt that what was the point of taking a loan for a wedding when a marriage itself is the biggest things and that is the thing of utmost importance. Couldn't have agreed more on that.
The next point is about the stress of a wedding. Makes me wonder when people say just a week or a day before their wedding as to how stressed they feel about wedding planning. Completing minor things like arranging decorative plates, decorating gifts, adhering to dates and times given by both sides of the wedding parties, coordinating things, maintaining tempers at home and also coming to a consensus on important things regarding the wedding. Marriages are meant to be enjoyed. Going back four years, when A and I got married, I think our parents and both of us were pretty care free and actually relished the time with both families. People stress about purchasing the right things, giving gifts to the new family of an appropriate value and which will be appreciated also and much more. A friend mentioned recently as to how she is looking the months to come as she'd be married and she no longer would have to worry about going home and plan for the wedding. She can sit back and take time out to enjoy with her friends now!
I am not against the excitement and happiness that comes with planning a wedding. Or against having a gala wedding if one wants. It is all about personal choices. But what makes me write this blog is when it becomes burdensome and stressful for the family and ceases to be a joyful way to plan a wedding. One does that only to keep up with the times. And that is what I've been noticing a lot in Indian families in India as well as here in the United States. More than anything else, it is the institution of marriage that is going to be cherished for a lifetime.

No comments:

Post a Comment