Destiny

I am writing a blog after a long long time. A lot happened between the last post I wrote – more than a year ago, and this one. I graduated from school, got a second Master's degree, fell sick with my annual flu, had a big family vacation to British Columbia in Canada, my second beautiful niece was born and I moved to Washington DC. A and I always wanted to move back to the north east part of the country and I found a good job in the District. Having a full time job has happened after a long time - five and a half years, and after working for it. A senior and very well-respected person in the field of policies told me in an email about a month back that I have a great support group here in DC. It made me emotional and immediately made me reflect on the past few years. Having a professional support group has not come easily. The email is the reason for this blogpost.
I came to the United States in early 2006, with a background in journalism. I knew it would be difficult to break in to journalism, but was willing to work for it. I didn't know how much 'work' meant at that time. Since that time, I freelanced, interviewed at places for a full-time job, worked odd jobs and then got enrolled in school. Like me, there are other girls who come to the country, give up their passion to work to follow their heart and be with their significant other. The choices of finding work are limited. I would say that from the many friends I've had, M from Connecticut has been one of the luckiest, who took her GMAT and got admission in a college in NY. And then she found a job! So she didn't end up going to school, and began working. I was beyond happy for her when that happened to her. (I still remember the car conversation that the four of us had)
Some of us freelanced for a year or two, hoping to break in, and at the same time understood that it was not easy. The combination of not having a work permit along with print journalism trying to cut corners was not in our favor. We went to school, changed our fields and got our degrees. It is easy for me to fit this in a few paragraphs. But it was hardly easy. We did become adept at juggling school, work, home and social responsibilities. We went to school with the hope that an educational degree from here would help finding a job a bit easier.

As luck would have it, the timing was such that by the time we graduated, the country was already in a recession. Companies didn't want to spend the money on hiring a lawyer and filing the paperwork for a work permit. A lot of us were once again writing cover letters, tweaking resumes and looking for jobs. The difference was that we had a degree from this country. The question was - to what extent did this help?
A and I were extremely fortunate that we were able to get the green card (becoming permanent residents). This provided a huge impetus and a factor that helped me get the job I now have. Had I not had a green card, I would not have been eligible to even apply for this position. After spending endless hours talking on the phone with friends who were in a similar situation and asking if I should take this job, I finally did! My friend F and I have spent a lot of time on the phone since 2006 - first venting out our frustrations about freelancing, then deciding whether to go to school or not, and then talking about visas and green cards.
I understand the value of this opportunity because of what my friends and I have worked for. Having a handful of friends who have been in the same boat as I and having a family that supported me has helped on various levels. In the end, it is all about choices we make and our luck. Should you go back to school? Should you pay the enormous fees that an international student pays? What's next? What if I keep trying to find a job? There will be questions at every stage of life, decisions that will have to be made.

My two cents – step back, take a look at the bigger picture. Have faith in the Higher Power. This post is called Destiny as you swim along with the currents of life and adapt accordingly

Caring Hand

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But that doesn’t mean one will never fall sick. We all have had our share of visits to the doctor. I used to have a favorite doctor in India (back in the ‘90s and early 2000), Dr U, a Parsi gentleman. He was very calm, always made sure the patient was at ease when he/she would be with him and left feeling better also. It was not just the medicines that he prescribed that helped. He would have a very reassuring touch, when he was feeling your pulse or when he was doing a check-up. It is small things like that, which really help a patient and gives them faith. I had gone to meet Dr U last year when I went to India, not as a patient, but as someone who has a lot of respect for the doctor. He has the right diagnosis most of the times, gives you logical explanations in a way that lay man can understand and comforts the patient.
Cut to 2010. Times have changed. To put it in just one sentence, the medical field has drastically changed. Doctors have to see a specific number of patients to get their dues from the insurance companies. The drill is to go to the doctor’s office, have the nurse note down your vitals and then wait for the doctor to come. If you’re lucky, the doctor will arrive within five minutes. And if you’re not, be ready to wait fifteen to twenty minutes till you see the doctor. And somehow, it always feels like the doctor is in a rush to leave the room and get the patient done with. It seems like it’s more about achieving numbers than seeing a patient. The doctor will come, ask how you’re feeling, and may or may not have a prognosis for you. The whole concept of bedside care is dwindling.
Even in the ER, a doctor will stop by fleetingly to see you and to see if the head nurse has taken the proper and adequate steps to take care of you. It’s at times like that that you want to talk to the doctor, hoping the doctor is patient enough to listen to you! After waiting for hours in the ER, when you are wheeled in, the comfort is not there. That seems to be missing. Times may have changed, but a patient’s needs still remain the same. The patient still looks for reassurance, and the gentle touch. The unsaid words make a big difference, rather than the doctor saying something like, “I don’t know why this happened, or you are doing fine and your reports are normal.”
Dr. Abraham Verghese writes about this topic too and his work at Stanford University emphasizes on bedside medicine. His website, http://www.abrahamverghese.com/biography.asp, mentions about ‘The importance of bedside medicine and physical examination in a time in medicine when the use of advanced technology frequently results in the patient in the bed having less attention than the patient data in the computer.” Please try to lay your hands on Dr. Verghese’s ‘Tennis Partner’ and ‘Cutting for Stone’.

Boss - Not Just a Hierarchical Senior

I've been working for more than seven years now. And I interned for a couple of months before I began working. Have been thinking about the role that a boss plays for sometime now. The boss I had at my current workplace left some months back. I was relatively new to the field of public policies as had moved from the journalism field. The lady was instrumental in making me understand the basics by giving tasks that would give me an understanding of things. And soon enough, she recognized my strengths and I enjoyed being proactively involved at work. But then she left and although I continue to work and be proactive, I selfishly wish she were still there.

This is the current scenario, but walking back to where I started, it was at a newspaper with one of the largest publications in Mumbai, India. An intern who was still in school and worked during the summer break, L has been the best boss one could ask for. On the very first day of my internship, she told me to tag along with a fellow reporter and I did that for the next day too. By the third day, I began going out on my own for stories. She was receptive to me getting my own story angles and also told me if covering a particular event or running a story would make sense. She pointed out where I needed to improve, and at the same time gave me the freedom to find newsworthy things happening in the city, getting contacts, etc.

Still in my first week as an intern, I covered a tricky story and to my surprise, it was the cover story the next day! By being herself, L taught sincerity, paying attention to details, and finding about stories that people will like to read. Most of all, seeing her passion for work - it instilled in me one of the biggest things I really value - loving the work I do. Some of my classmates and people from my college eventually worked under her and have had the same opinion of L. It has been great to work with her.

Another boss I had in Mumbai, at a different publication was very frank. I used to be intimidated of this person for quite some time. More than a year and a half after I joined that publication, I needed to take leave for some a couple months to go home in Baroda. I was not sure whether this leave would be granted and understandably enough, questions would be asked. It was not something that one does regularly. I told this boss that I needed this break and that would work from home, edit stories from home and help close the issue on time. The boss just asked me one question. "Why do you want to go home?". Before talking to this person, I had been in doldrums as to what to say. I told the boss the truth and the reason for the break. Without thinking for a minute, this person let me go. That day I learnt another thing. A boss will be willing to understand your point of view if you are genuine. To date, am intermittently in touch with this boss and it's always nice chatting with the person.

I've been blessed to have great bosses, that have let my creative juices flow and let me explore different ways to approach a situation. And there have been times when I've seen that bosses sometimes can't guide their team efficiently and don't take responsibility as a team leader. Or there are those who make their subordinates wary of them.
Knock on wood, I've enjoyed going to work everyday in all these years of my professional life. This blog is for L, A, J, V and all the great people I've worked with!

Love Is...

Love is when you sleepily hold your partner first thing in the morning
Love is when mommy doesn't eat mushrooms, because her daughter/ son has mushroom allergies
Love is when your two-year old comes running at you and hugs you when you pick her up at day care
Love is when your partner does dishes at night, just because you don't feel like it
Love is when your toddler comes and kisses you because he loves mommy and daddy
Love is when a 60-something lady misses her husband, who is miles away from her and writes him an e-mail once in a while
Love is when your friend tells you out of concern that you've put on weight and need to lose some
Love is when your mother or mother-in-law chops onions for you as they make you cry
Love is when your friend wakes up early in the morning only to talk to you in peace (to account for time difference between continents and that she has a 2-year old kid)
Love is when you meet a friend after ages and begin talking as if you just met yesterday
Love is when a dog is your companion on the bus, takes you to your work safely and you give him a nice rub on his back
Love is when the whole family gets together to make a birthday card for a 8-year old's birthday
Love is when your partner writes those little notes on the aluminum foil of your lunch sandwich


It's definitely cliche, but enjoy the small pleasures! It's those memories that take you through the rough times

Senior Speak

I have to admit that I have a soft corner for senior people. I find it amazing that seniors, who are easily in their 70s, 80s and beyond, are self-sufficient and independent. Having grown up in India, senior citizens are viewed and treated differently. Have not seen them so independent, who drive cars and frequent the theatres to watch movies.

I feel it is a matter to appreciate that they do so much on their own. In India, children and/ or grandchildren would take care of parents - willingly or with a grudge. They are pampered or restricted. My mother-in-law, who is visiting from India also happened to mention that seniors walk so efficiently over here and have the drive to spend their time in a good way.

Some people get irked when they find a senior citizen in front of them at the grocery store and he/ she takes forever to give the current amount. They would put all change that they have on the cashier's table and let the person figure it out. I see it as them being independent enough to step out of the house, drive to Kroger/ Meijer/ Walmart/ Stop & Shop, shop for themselves, and go home. It takes alertness, quite a bit of physical fitness and confidence to do this.
And all these three things don't come easy when one steps in to that age when you start getting mails from AARP (American Association of Retired Persons). At times I wonder if I would be able to do what my mother's mother does at the age of 75 or what my mother's aunt does at 80-something. Do you get that thought? Are you confident that if you live that long, you'd cook so effortlessly, have the enthusiasm to go for a walk in the park or take your partner to the movies or go by yourself?

The concern that I do have is when senior citizens are not alert while driving. Because of this, they not just harm themselves, they may end up injuring a person or a person may lose his/ her life because of the senior citizen.
I am not patient with them or give them one of the biggest smiles because I know that one day I'd get there too. It's just appreciation for something they do so well.

Meeting Children, Teens and Adults in 24 hours - An Unforgettable Experience

When I started studying at the Ohio State University, my on-campus job was at the University's Child Care Center - helping teachers, playing with children and spending time with them. Since my educational background was different from my graduate studies, I was supposed to take pre-requisite courses with the Undergraduates. And then of course was attending classes in my school. It is a professional course
My day began in the morning at the Child Care Center (CCC). I had never known children before my time at CCC. After getting over my initial awkwardness with the children, I began enjoying there. In a lot of ways, I liked the innocence of children, seeing up and close of how children learn the basics of life - not just A, B, C,s - but also learning to eat, learning to walk, interacting with other children, adults and so much more. I began to look forward to interacting with them. There was a really sweet girl, who's mother was at a big position at OSU. I asked her once, "What do you think mommy does at work?" And she said, "She drinks water." All of a little over two years, I broke in to a smile having listened to her reply. The children didn't have sibling rivalry at that age. The kids would love it when their brother or sister came to pick them up with mommy or daddy at the end of the day.

After spending 4-5 hours with them, I would attend courses with the undergraduate students. And suddenly you could see how different they were. It made me think about the importance of the different stages of life. These students were all grown up, they were in their late-teens, and I was in my late-twenties! These students were all about keeping up with fashion, texting their friends during class and in a hurry to leave once class got over. Although I knew what to expect, I was still somewhat amazed that students attended class in track pants and shorts. I felt this way as this was not the norm in India where I'd had all my education. I began missing the innocence of the toddlers. The teens would have a different expression on their face when I said that I didn't live with roommates, but with my husband as I was married. It seemed like they were always in a hurry to do everything. What I really liked was to see the energy they had. The energy for life, energy to do things and just go on.

Attend spending a couple of hours learning the pre-requisite courses, I went to my graduate school. This was a professional course, where everyone was dressed really well, some in ties and jackets too. My day literally consisted from muddy pants, to shorts to ironed trousers and business attire. And it went beyond just the clothes. Some of them were fresh from undergrad school, but a lot were in the middle of their career, who attended school to enhance their knowledge on different subjects.

My colleagues at graduate school identified more with who I was, that I was married and came from a different professional background. They were not in a hurry for things. Grades mattered to the undergrads and graduate students both. But not as much to the latter. For them, it was important to be able to use the knowledge at work. There would be times when I'd feel like some of these graduate students would be parents of infants and toddlers and teens also! And that they've gone through so many phases in life.

I sometimes got overwhelmed with school, spending time with really different people, and trying to do well in school. What helped at that time was taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture. The little infants and toddlers gave me perspective on several things. That proper upbringing is so important and in many ways lays the foundation of your life. Stepping back and seeing the bigger picture made me see that each phase in life is so important. The experience of undergraduate years teaches you so much, make great friendships, etc. And then graduate school was important in terms of applying all that you have learnt, teaching others and more.
I have finished the pre-requisite courses, go only to graduate school (have only six more months of studying left!) and left child-care to work at a place that is more relevant to my school work!

No Longer Second Fiddle

Please do not treat this as a feminist blog. Have been meaning to write this blog for some time. It's a blog on how daughters shoulder the same responsibilities as sons, and probably have more responsibilities than them. A quintessential aspect I want to write about is buying a house for the parents.
I am super proud to write about three girl friends of mine, who have partially or fully helped buy a house for their parents. They all have names beginning with S. So I'd refer to them as S-Ahmedabad, S-Baroda, S-USA.
Will start with my friend S-USA. She came to the United States more than ten years back. Over the years, she has become very successful in her field of economics. And just last year, she paid almost half or more than half the amount for her parents' new home. Before we were married, we always spoke of how parents may feel of taking help from a daughter, as she is considered to be of a different family. She said that she felt so proud of being able to help her parents. It is amazing that her husband has also been really supportive of her.
The next is my friend S-Ahmedabad. It is not like her parents could not afford getting an apartment on their own. Her parents work at some really prestigious places in the city. But she really wanted to do this. My friend is an amazing writer and now is on the editorial board of one of the newspapers in the city. She too was so happy to have been able to help her parents. When we were talking, she said that who said that only sons are supposed to do this. She was proud that she also provides emotional support to her parents.
The third is my friend S-Baroda. Her's is a very special story. When she got a flat for her parents several years back, the bank officials, from who she took the loan said that she was the youngest person to who they were lending a home loan. They have known what tough times are. And through all that and through her hard work, S-Baroda gave not just the gift of the house, but support to her parents when they needed it the most. She's been the son of the house in the true sense. She is doing great in her job.
These situations are still rare in India, as Indians believe they cannot take such help from their daughters once they are married. Two of these women are married and helped their parents after their marriage. Goes to show how independent women are. And that even though times may change, and you may live in another country, but the values inculcated when we were children remains the same!