What's for Dinner Tonight?

During one of my conversations with M, I was telling her of how I cook for the week on Sunday. Weekdays for me are very hectic and by the time I return home, it is any time between 8 PM and 9 PM. I don’t have the inclination or enthusiasm to cook after that. M remarked to this routine that, “That way you don’t have to think everyday as to what make for dinner?” And I told her that for three years, I cooked food every evening. But somehow that question never arose in my mind.
Growing up, like several of you, my mom would also ask, “What do you want to eat for dinner tonight?” As we grew older, we realized that this was the story of many households. When I got married, I consciously made a decision not to bore A with this question and ask him in the morning or afternoon as to what to make for dinner. And somehow, four years after being married, and add to that three years of living in Mumbai where I took turns cooking with my flat-mates, I don’t run out of ideas of what to cook. In these four years, would not have asked him more than twice or thrice to help me decide what to cook. The question that was asked by my mom, I see the same question being asked by girls of my generation too. And I’ve seen their significant others not particularly being interested in answering this!
I’d attribute several reasons for this. An over dose of watching Food Network! I still have not gotten tired of watching Giada and Rachel Ray and Paula Deen! Another reason is reading some really wonderful food blogs by some amazing Indian women/ moms/ cooks. They try out authentic Indian recipes, some recipes that have been passed on from one generation to the other, they’d try authentic recipes from other countries like Italian or Mexican or Mediterranean cooking. I have really liked some of their fusion recipes and the way they use some vegetables, etc. Must say the photographs on the blogs of these women are the reason I am tempted to try them. Even if you simply Google ‘Indian food blogs’ or something to that effect, you’ll get an entire list of some really nice websites.
The third and one of the most important reasons is that I’ve somehow always been around some really good cooks. To start with – I would love seeing the way my nani (mom’s mom) cooked. And the patience she had to be in the kitchen and churn out amazing food so effortlessly. Just remembering the way she cooked, and what she made sometimes gives me ideas for dinner. And then was my mom, who still makes such amazing food. After coming to the United States, I saw my friends in Connecticut cook some of the best food I’ve ever eaten. I’ve already written a blog about them. Scroll down to read about them. Anand even ate eggplant when one of them made baingan bharta (cooked/slightly smoked eggplant, mashed and cooked with onions, garlic and other Indian spices)! Their cooking techniques, flavorful food and our weekend get-togethers were things to cherish! Even in Columbus, R, a friend and a colleague is a great cook and makes delectable food.
Oh, and yes, I am able to experiment on my cooking because A is one of the best guinea pigs I could ever have! By now you’d have guessed how much I enjoy cooking, and knowing more about recipes. :-)
So the next time you run out of ideas as to what to cook, try implementing one of these ideas. Who knows, along with some wonderful food, you’d enjoy a trip down memory lane that you can share with your children, parents, better half! Trust me, with these things, you’d find yourself asking the ‘What’s for dinner tonight’ question fewer times than before.

Is Gangtok the Capital of Sikkim? Is Itanagar a capital city or not? What about Dispur?

The title of this blog does give an idea of what this blog is going to be about. Will start with telling how this discussion started and evolved over time. A and I were returning home from a party about two years ago and he was telling me that someone from his family had lived in Itanagar several years ago. All I knew was Itanagar was in the eastern part of India and was a capital city. But was not willing to admit to him that my knowledge ended there. And thus started a quizzing session. I didn’t go too far before A knew that I was ignorant of the capital cities of India. I knew most of them, but the capitals from eastern India got me really confused. And what surprised me or probably didn’t was that he knew all of them!
I was willing to bet that most people would be like me, who wouldn’t know their capital cities too well. It started first with our close circle of friends in Connecticut. Of the 7-8 of them, none of them knew the capitals. Gradually, this mini-quizzing session started with several close friends, family, relatives, colleagues, etc. I don’t think I have met more than two people who know all capital cities of India. It definitely doesn’t look good on us when we don’t know the capital cities of our own country.
Recently, A’s school friend put a statement on Facebook of a survey done by Hindustan Times. That the children of International schools in India didn’t know the capital cities as compared to children from state board schools. (For those who are not aware, for a very long time, India had three types of schools. State board schools where the state government controlled the syllabus of all schools. There were CBSE schools that had a centrally or federally controlled syllabus. And then there were ICSE schools). Who was at fault for this? The education system? Children’s inclination to remember? Too difficult to remember? Is India not that open to tourism?
The point I am trying to make here is that it is not just children who do not know capital cities. I feel like adults like us, whether you studied in India or any other nation, should have basic knowledge like this. Ask yourself. Are you aware of all capital cities of the country you studied in? Maybe both children and adults should know the capital cities of states. What do you think?
Here are capitals of some states.

Arunachal Pradesh – Itanagar
Assam – Dispur
Sikkim – Gangtok
Tripura – Agartala
Orissa – Bhubaneshwar
Nagaland – Kohima
Mizoram – Aizawl
Manipur – Imphal

Did I take you back to 5th grade?

L is for Letters

It seems as if writing letters has been a thing of the past. What happened to the good ol’ communication of putting ink on the paper? I know of very few people now who still continue to write letters. What prompted me to write this blog? Well – I received a New Year greeting from our very close friends, N and N. And enclosed with it was a little hand-written letter. A and I were so happy not just to read it, but simply see a hand-written letter. The feeling of getting a letter is so different than getting an e-mail or just a New Year greeting card or a greeting with the family’s photograph. That personal touch, the personal thought that goes in to writing a letter is evident when you read a letter. The personalizing of it makes a world of difference to a person who understands the value of a hand-written note or letter! When I see that hand-addressed envelope sitting in my mailbox, I have a smile on my face, and my walk quickens to go home and read it.

Have still continued to write letters. I still exchange letters with A’s and my mom. I would write in Gujarati (our spoken language at home in India) at times also. That used to be more frequent when I would communicate with my grandparents. It is an equally good feeling to pen a letter, as much as it is to receive one. Maybe you want to give it a try! It may feel odd initially. With communication having become more quick and efficient, it is highly likely that when you sit to write a letter to your parents or friends or significant other (if he/she stays away from you), you may not have matter to write. What I have felt is that when you sit to write a letter, there are things that come up, which may not come up in routine conversations.

The last I wrote a letter was when I sent a gift for another very close friend’s new born daughter. We were roommates in Mumbai and she’s now settled in LA, and is the mom of a beautiful baby girl. Every time I would write letters in Mumbai to my parents or grandparents in Baroda, she would always say, “When will you write me a letter?” Being in the same town, I never got an opportunity, but she did get a letter almost six years after that!

Letters make for beautiful memories! On a day when you’re feeling low, if you go back to the old letters that you got from your mom and dad, siblings, friends, loved ones, it would bring back your mood. For those who have lived in India or received letters from there would know of the light blue International mail letter. Sometimes, just seeing that envelope does the trick for me. For one of my birthdays, when I lived in Mumbai, K had given me this beautiful letter pad made of hand-made paper. It lasted a very long time and I still remember writing letters on those hand-made papers with a beautiful design on the top!

Some years back, when letters were already beginning to get replaced by e-mails, people would write long e-mails. And it would feel so good to see a long e-mail sitting in your inbox. A has a habit of writing good long e-mails once in a while. But now, getting long e-mails is also rare. They’re also becoming short and to the point.
I hope I convinced you to pick a pen and write a letter to anyone. Just think of the reaction they would have when they see a personal note from you! Happy writing!

SMS English in Daily Communication

SMS is short for Short Messaging Service. And yes, I am aware it used to cover as much information you can in 160 characters when you send a message to someone’s mobile phone. My question is: Why use the same kind of English in e-mails and social media (except Twitter, which has text limits)? There is no dearth of space in an e-mail or other forms of communication. Nor do you have to pay an extra buck for it. I am not against using small words when it comes to texting someone, but gets irritating when transferred to other media of communication.

Most people these days have a good control over the keyboard and have a good typing speed. It makes me wonder as to how much longer it will take if one wrote a complete word in regular English than in SMS English. Writing ‘dissertation’ will probably take two seconds longer than writing ‘dissy’! I have come across some formal mails also where people have used disastrous English to communicate through English, which is not even SMS English probably. Some alphabets like ‘g’ go missing at the end of a word for some people. It is absolutely normal for them to write ‘evenin’ or ‘clubbin’, etc. I may come across as old-fashioned when I write this, but I really wished people wrote regular English in e-mails, letters or other social media websites.

Here are some words that I’ve routinely seen that really makes me wish the above.

Sffring – it means ‘suffering’
Anvsry – it means ‘anniversary’
Dissy – it means ‘dissertation’
Sm – it means ‘some’ (This makes me think about the time it takes to write ‘sm’ and to write ‘some’)
Nt – it means ‘not’ (Again makes me think the same thing)
Hv nt – it means ‘have not’ (would be better if this were written on the cell phone, rather than e-mail)
Sumtyms – I know what it means, but again, there’s literally just two more alphabets to type in the original word of ‘sometimes’
Pychas –I think this one takes the cake. Guess what this means! And I’ve read this word written by quite a few people. It means ‘pictures’!!

Maybe people write this type of English to stay with the flow or keep up with the times! In this aspect, I continue to remain old-fashioned or ancient and write in the English I’ve grown up learning!

'Egg'ceptions Apply

I've been allergic to eggs since I was five or six years old. It never posed much of a problem in India as there always have been eggless foods to bank upon. A lot of people there do not eggs as they believe it to be a non-vegetarian food item and against their religion to eat it.

Before I came to the United States, A's sister and A had told me that a lot of food items will have egg here. Having come from India, I had never thought that ice-creams and some everyday breads can also have egg!

It so happens that when at a house party or when invited for dinner, I would ask if some food has egg, only to avoid a problematic situation for me as well as the hosts. Several families find it difficult to fathom that a person can have egg and other food allergies. Or some people feel that it is extremely uncommon for people of Indian origin to have food allergies. So over the years, have come across a wide array of things people have told me when I said I don't eat desserts, cakes or anything that has egg or eggs itself.

Here are some reasons that people have told me. And these are after I have told them that I am allergic and have been tested for it also just about a year or two back. Please feel free to tell me your experience, if you've had any on these lines.

1. Are you sure you have an egg allergy?

2. Why don't you try this food? It has egg, but who knows, you may not actually react!

One of the most common thing I get to hear is this:

3. I am sure it is psychological. You should keep an open mind. It's all in your mind. Just eat it. Then see what happens! Take the thought out of your mind and try it once.

4. Beta, does your entire family not eat egg? (I don't understand why family comes in this. But I still say that my dad, mom and sister eat, but I can't. And then I get to hear this) So only you don't FEEL like eating eggs?

One of the most bizarre ones I hear is this:

5. When A eats eggs, and everything else, then why don't you?

Even as I write this, I feel like telling them that there is just no connection in the question you just asked me.

6. Beta, you should do Pranayam, your allergies will go away. All allergies will go away if you do it everyday for X amount of time

7. Maybe you are plain scared to try eggs.

8. Why don't you start eating eggs now? Maybe you had allergies as a child. I have not heard of any adults having food allergies, so now you should eat eggs.

I started eating chicken a year back, not to increase my food options, but because I started enjoying it. So people's comments have reduced a little, but one comment remains.

9. See, now that you can eat chicken, try egg. I think it is a psychological barrier you have against eggs. When you eat non-vegetarian, what is wrong with eggs?

I had a funny experience when I was in Delhi this summer, visiting T. T, her daughter and I were out shopping. At lunch time, I thought of getting myself a butter chicken frankie. Out of my usual habit for checking if the tortilla (outer covering of frankie) had egg, I asked him if anything had egg. And the guy told me that they had a regular roti (Indian flat bread), then an omelette and inside that they put the chicken filling. So I told the man to omit the omelette and just put the filling in the roti. To which he said that the omelette will accentuate the flavor. And I persisted saying I still didn't want it. And then he said, "Lekin madam, aap ne toh chicken frankie order kiya hai. Phir bhi?" ("But madam, when you have ordered chicken frankie, why omit the egg?) After I said yes once again, he did omit the egg, but was definitely flustered at this weird order!!

I feel good that sometimes people are genuinely concerned and some will go the extra mile and read the tiresome list of ingredients when they go shopping. This really touches me that they went out of their way to accommodate me. It gets to me when people assume I have a psychological block over and over again.

One last bit of information for those who have egg allergies. Here are some foods to watch out for. They are foods that you may assume do not have eggs.

1. All flavors of Ben n Jerry and Haagen Dazs have egg.

2. Subway veggie patty has egg.

3. So do some multi-grain or 12 grain or 15-grain breads.

4. Some whole wheat organic and regular burger buns.

5. Most Kaiser rolls.

6. Indian flat breads in restaurants - especially naan and kulcha have egg most of the times. Won't hurt to ask if it does or doesn't.

Wish you all happy and healthy eating!

Annt Mein Kuch Nahin Rehta, Sirf Shabd Reh Jaate Hain (Nothing Remains In the End, Only Words Remain)

Was talking to a friend some time back. She was distressed and upset about the way she has been treated by some people. While talking to her, she happened to mention one thing, which is mentioned in the title. She said, that in the end, after one's physical's self ceases to exist, nothing and absolutely nothing remains. What one remembers a person is by the words s/he spoke. A small sentence, but so profound and so true.

If you sit back and think, this means a lot. In a way, it also impacts the way we live right now. We all know of close family people or friends who we may have lost. The reason they remain in our memories, in our thoughts is because of what they used to tell us or would have shared with us. Sounds cliched, but the reason we remember even those who didn't amass a great amount of wealth is because of the people they were and the words and thoughts that made them. Why then, do people spoil relations of a lifetime for materialistic pleasures?

Is it that difficult to be a good person? Which makes me think - 'being good' is very relative. Is it a case of 'easier said than done'?

This conversation made me think more on the lines of 'What does a person want to be remembered by'? 'Why are relationships more complex'? 'Can a relation be improved if one consistently keeps harming the relation?' It's not like we don't know that what matters eventually is the person who you are and that is how you'd be remembered. Yet, knowingly and unknowingly, people spoil and break ties. Why?

Marriage Matches May be Made in Heaven, But ...

Most girls have always dreamt of a particular way of the way they want their marriage to be. And for a lot of them, since they've quite young, they have an image in their mind of how the event would be. It is after all, one of the biggest days in their life. In some Indian cultures, it is said that birth, death and marriage are the three biggest things in a person life and one has no control on the three of them.

Have been noticing for some years how stressful planning a marriage can be. I want to divide this blog entry in two parts - on the financial stress and the overall stress that comes in to being with planning a wedding. Marriages in India are increasingly about keeping up with social norms, doing things at a wedding because other friends did it and to avoid adverse social gossip. In the recent past, have seen families where a marriage was going to take place and the bride-to-be or the parents took a loan for the wedding. The money would be used to get the trousseau, get gifts for the family and the new family, get jewelry for the bride, paying the rent for the marriage hall and much more. Have seen some cases where the bride and groom or one of them didn't want an extravagant wedding, but had to have one to fulfill a family's desires.

I have heard instances where after the wedding is completed, it is not that easy to pay a loan off. In India, with everyday living getting more expensive, re-paying the loan amount taken for a wedding is definitely not easy. And in the end, how much ever one strives for perfection and keeping up with the times for social events like this, those who want to find faults will still continue to. Someone told me that they took a loan, but felt that rather than respect everyone's desires, they should have kept it simple and not taken hefty loans.

I was talking about this with A, and he felt that what was the point of taking a loan for a wedding when a marriage itself is the biggest things and that is the thing of utmost importance. Couldn't have agreed more on that.

The next point is about the stress of a wedding. Makes me wonder when people say just a week or a day before their wedding as to how stressed they feel about wedding planning. Completing minor things like arranging decorative plates, decorating gifts, adhering to dates and times given by both sides of the wedding parties, coordinating things, maintaining tempers at home and also coming to a consensus on important things regarding the wedding. Marriages are meant to be enjoyed. Going back four years, when A and I got married, I think our parents and both of us were pretty care free and actually relished the time with both families. People stress about purchasing the right things, giving gifts to the new family of an appropriate value and which will be appreciated also and much more. A friend mentioned recently as to how she is looking the months to come as she'd be married and she no longer would have to worry about going home and plan for the wedding. She can sit back and take time out to enjoy with her friends now!

I am not against the excitement and happiness that comes with planning a wedding. Or against having a gala wedding if one wants. It is all about personal choices. But what makes me write this blog is when it becomes burdensome and stressful for the family and ceases to be a joyful way to plan a wedding. One does that only to keep up with the times. And that is what I've been noticing a lot in Indian families in India as well as here in the United States. More than anything else, it is the institution of marriage that is going to be cherished for a lifetime.