Contemporary Thoughts Meet Traditional Values

The Wonder Years - Through Our Nieces

2012-01-25T04:42:00.000-08:00

Today's blog is about our (A and me) five nieces. Their age range is from six months to twelve years (6 months, 4 years, 8, 9 and 12 years). The reason why I write this post is because we get to see a whole spectrum of growth as we look at all five of them and different stages of development - their current interests, how they change with time, what they learn, etc. What each of them individually goes through at their respective age and how the transition happens to an older age is amazing. I don't want to name names, so for the sake of simplicity, the oldest (12-year old) is called A, 9-year old is B, 8-year old is C, 4-year old is D and the youngest is E. This blog is not about how each one of them is (her personality, individuality, etc). It is about the different stages of their childhood and pre-adolescence.

I have seen D and E (the younger two ones) since the time they were born. And have seen A, B and C since they were two, three and six years old. We now talk to the oldest one as an adult. She is a tween. If you were to chat with her, you would not realize that she is a tween. The only thing that gives it away is her extensive use of emoticons and smiley faces. When B and C were three and four years old, we used to spell out words, so they would not understand it. Now we do that for D. D was super excited that it was her birthday near Christmas. She was looking forward to having a princess-themed cake and candles for her big day. Yes, like other girls her age, she loves princesses and was a princess on Halloween. The older nieces went through that phase also, and have since, moved to dressing up as other characters for Halloween (read as scary witch, bed head, etc). The youngest one was too little to have a Halloween costume, so she will wait one more year for her own costume. At the end of the day, irrespective of the age they are, they all enjoy their candies and chocolates!

When we see E, the youngest one, A (the husband and not the niece!) and I are reminded of our nieces when we saw them when they were so young. E's latest thing is that she has just begun to turn on her own. I remember D began rolling from her bed the first time when we got her to Connecticut in 2008. My sister and I were in the kitchen and when we came out, she had rolled out of her little make-shift bed. E will give you the best smiles when you spend time with her.

It is so interesting to see how each has their own personality and how that plays in with their age. A and her sister C, are four years apart. Till about a year and a half back, they played with their common friends and A would play the same games as C. We are now seeing that she has grown out of that, and spends time with her friends during parties. And C plays with her own friends. With becoming a tween, also comes the thing of sleep overs. Being the oldest, she was the first to be invited to sleep overs at her friends' place as well as host sleep overs at her place. If she has moved on to sleep overs, D is still at the play-date age. She loves to go her best friend's place and play anything from lego to playing with excavator trucks to their parents reading them books.

B and C are only a year apart from each other. When we did the family trip to Canada during last summer, it was very interesting to watch both of them. The cousins were meeting after a long time. So when they first met, B and C were walking on the road, hand-in-hand. They talked non-stop and had much to share. There were a few times I think when all three were in the same car. I can only imagine what the adults in the car must have gone through! We no longer can distract them and make them silent by saying, "Count the number of red cars that pass by" or saying "Let's play the game of who stays quiet for longer". While that trick still applies to D. She remembers that and a day or two after we have left her place, she will tell her mom that she spotted a red car! I am sure within a year or two, she too will outgrow that. A (the hubby) used to spell things out when his nieces were younger. Like spelling out I-C-E C-R-E-A-M, so they would not understand it. We now do it with D. B was a terrific host when we went to Canada. Although she is nine, she made sure that all of us were comfortable and was a great guide at Calgary's stampede.

You must have already noticed that we do get to see a wide spectrum of interesting aspects with the girls and how different they all are. D's best friend is a boy and to her, he is just like her. B and C believe that boys are bad, and they are their enemies. While A is beginning to understand a little more than that. When we see all of them, we sometimes do wonder how each of them will be when they grow up. From all five of them, E has the best life as of now. She eats and sleeps. The oldest one is entering the phase where school work has just begun to get important, along with following other activities. B loves to ice-skate, C enjoys swimming and tennis, and D had her first swimming lessons this past summer.

They are not different in everything. We do see some similarities. All four girls love to dress up and they all love make-up. They wait for an occasion when mommy will allow them to apply some make-up. Another thing - they all love celebrating their birthdays. If one had a princess-theme, another was all too happy to spend her birthday with the entire family. She told her classmates about it excitedly. The others like it at a gaming plaza or having friends over for a sleep over. A (the hubby) and I can't help, but remark at times, that we get to see such different stages of growth in all five of them. We feel lucky for that and to a very large extent - it is a big learning experience for us. If you have stories about your nephews and nieces, do share them. I would love to know about them.

Pictures from the Newseum

2012-01-21T07:43:00.000-08:00

Cameras used by photojournalists - Then and Now

Part of the Berlin Wall. This was seen as a time when there was lack of communication between people.

Advent of New media

9/11 Newspaper Front Pages

Saving the best for the last - the view from the terrace

Visit to the Newseum

2012-01-21T07:32:00.000-08:00

As I write this title, I feel like a child in 4th grade/ standard, who has been told to write about her visit to the zoo! I am not in 4th grade, and I did not go to the zoo either, but I sure was as excited as a ten-year old to go to the Newseum. One – the Newseum, as the name suggests, is a museum for news (read as media). That being my former profession, it definitely interested me. Two – there are some great exhibits there, which I will talk about in this post. Three – I had awesome company in A 
I had already been to the Newseum in September with my friends, N and H from Columbus, Ohio. They too, live in the greater DC area. I will start with two of my favorite exhibits over there. One was that of Pulitzer prize winning photographs. There were breathtaking photographs, most of which made you think for a few minutes before you moved to the next. There was a beautiful picture of a family being reunited after the Second World War. The expressions are that of relief, joy and so much more. There were pictures of the fire that took place in Chicago so many years back, and all the destruction that took place. There was one picture, where only a woman’s hand was shown. Her fore arm was infected, and she was shown holding a household blade. It was a picture depicting female circumcision in Kenya. It is alarming that that despite awareness being raised about it, that painful tradition still is a part of some African countries.

A gripping picture was that of a famine in Africa, taken in the early 1990s. There was a small child (less than two years), clearly malnourished, in a very dry place. And behind her was a vulture, waiting to make the child its meal. The photographer managed to get rid of the vulture, and made the girl safe temporarily. He received a lot of negative comments when the picture was released, as to why he never saved the girl. And he was noted telling a friend that he had felt very bad about not helping the girl. After a few months, he committed suicide. There was a 10-15 minute video presentation that kept running, where Pulitzer prize winning photographers talked about their tasks. There were some that stuck with me. One said that you don’t do your job thinking that today I am going to click a Pulitzer Prize winner. It just happens. You can’t plan for it. Another lady said that she had seen so much pain and suffering in adults and in a lot of children, that in order to deal with it, she took pictures of people helping other people. And how she could show compassion through her photographs.
This was one of the sections that I really liked. The other was a sub-section of a bigger section. The bigger section was that of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI). It had various exhibits within it, giving a good historical aspect also. One of my favorites was that of Sept 11, 2001. It had collections ranging from the plane’s parts to what was found in it, to confiscated passports of the terrorists in the planes. One of the most striking things there was the original letter that was given to each of the terrorists, which they were to read the night before Sept 11. It was not written in English, but a translated sheet was kept next to it. The letter stated the justification given to them, as to why they were doing this, and the supposed thing that it was the right thing to do. When I read the letter the first time, I re-read it. And yet I took time to digest it. When I went with A this time round, I told him to read it. He too was in disbelief.
Moving on from this emotionally-charged exhibit to a lighter one, there was a temporary/ traveling exhibit on sports photography. Several photographs were from the magazine, Sports Illustrated by Nick Leifer. There were pictures that showed the intensity of former tennis players, Martina Navratilova and Chris Evert. The photographer mentioned that Mohammed Ali was a delight to photograph, and had a wonderful personality.
One of the other really nice permanent exhibits is the evolution of media from radio to television to the Internet. It was historically rich, and wonderfully captured key moments in history and how media was used to broadcast that news. For instance, they showed the assassination of President John F. Kennedy and how people got information at every step of the way. The other one, where millions of viewers turned on their TV sets was the wedding of the beautiful Lady Diana and Prince Charles. I wish that along with the wedding of lady Di, they kept a big poster of the big 2011 wedding of Prince William and Katherine.

That would have plastered a smile on my face for the rest of the day. The historical perspective continued with key political moves, natural disasters and other important events. A small room was also dedicated to social media, and how it was used in the revolution in Egypt. A humorous angle to social media was how Twitter would have been used if it was around during the time of the Civil war. It was quite funny to read that. The other humorous part in the Newseum was continuous clips being shown about late night TV shows. This included shows of Stephen Colbert, Jay Leno, David Letterman, Jimmy Fallon, Jon Stewart, Saturday Night Live and others. They have played a key role in media and portraying the truth behind key developments in a humorous and satirical manner. A and I, along with other visitors had a nice time laughing at these clips, especially after watching some intense displays.
On the same floor as the late night shows and development of media, was one more intense display. It was that of September 11, 2001. This was different from the one of the FBI. This gave the journalists' perspective. The center piece was the destroyed top of one of the towers of the World Trade Center buildings. On one of the walls were front pages of national and international newspapers on the day after this horrific incident. I was at the Newseum the first time on September 10, 2011. Several people choked up and some were crying as they went through this exhibit. A video clip that was being played showed raw footage, interviews with people who saw it up and close and the destruction that took place.

On the other side of the center piece were remains of the only journalist, a photo journalist, who died while covering what was happening on that sunny morning in September. His was a moving story of how he and his wife were walking their dogs when they heard about it. He rushed home to get his cameras, and never came back. They retrieved his cameras, which revealed some of his best shots. But he didn't live to see them. It was touching to see his glasses, phone and other personal belongings on display.
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Journalists that made an impact
There was one exhibit on Katrina that was there when I went in September. Without going in the details, there was a clip of Anderson Cooper of CNN where he was livid about politicians making tall claims and doing nothing while people died and suffered in the aftermath of the disaster. And there was another clip of Brian Williams of CNBC being angry about the same thing. I had this thought then that it would be terrific if both these men featured in the same show. They would make a great team. Here is a collection of headlines after Hurricane Katrina struck New Orleans.

The other one was the exhibit on Tim Russert. He was the long time face of the show 'Meet the Press'. The exhibit was that of his office when he died a few years back. He was a journalist who made an impact not just on the viewers, but even the people he interviewed. He was known for having a wealth of knowledge and who read and pored over newspapers from all over the country. He was a dedicated family man. Even after all the years of hosting the show, after a particularly important show, he would go to his office and call his father and ask how he liked the show and what his opinion was. There were imminent people in Indian media who remain very memorable, and we still talk about them.
I try to generally end on a happy note. There were a series of photographs in one of the hallways of the White House Presidential dogs. These pictures are kept to engage younger museum visitors. The Kennedys had nine dogs when they were in the White House, while one of the presidents chose to have a goat instead of a dog. And there was one who had held his dog by the ears. He received a lot of negative reactions because of the way he treated his dog.
I hope that if you are in DC, and if you have not been to Newseum, you get a chance to visit it. And if you get lucky, you may get to go free (yes, my sister N gave me a link where free tickets were being given by Newseum) or go at half price (shout out to Groupon)!

P.S. - As I browse through pictures - I am going to post a few pictures on this post, and have a new post with just the Newseum photographs

How Technology-dependent are You?

2011-12-12T18:16:00.000-08:00

We have all become dependent on technology. And that is not news anymore. Google has gone from becoming a noun to a verb. For example, how many of you say this every week - "I Googled about X event and came to know about it" or "Why don't you Google the nutritional value of avocado? You'll see how good they are for you."
This past weekend was my last time in Columbus. It was A's and my wish to do a Pooja (a religious ceremony) before he moved to Washington, DC and we bid our farewell to Columbus. I had to make prasad (food offered to God) for the pooja. I was going to make sheera, kheer and have fruits and dry fruits. I have the most wonderful recipe of sheera (sweet dish made of semolina, sugar, milk and clarified butter) that has been given by A's mother. I have not made kheer (Indian rice pudding - made of milk, rice and I added condensed milk also) that often. So my default go-to was Google. I Googled and after looking at a few different recipes, I found the one that I was confident would be good enough to feed 30-40 people. That was the first time I used Google for the pooja.
Next, was getting ready for the pooja. Three days before the pooja, I was once again on Google, looking for videos to help me drape a saree. Now if my mother were to read that I needed the help of Google and YouTube to wear a saree, I will get the longest sermon ever! "You have been married for all these years. You should know how to wear one and on and on." Yes, google once again was my answer to getting one step closer to the pooja, the way I wanted. I could have very well gone with salwar-kameez (an Indian attire, with drawstring pants and a long tunic), but I wanted to wear a saree, as A and I were going to perform the pooja. I was able to check two things off the list, thanks to technology/ Internet/ Google.

Next was reaching the mandir (temple). We didn't resort to Google maps, but did rely on technology once again. The trusty GPS was out. We made sure to use the GPS this time. The first time we went to this temple, A and I were lost. So we followed the directions of the GPS to the T this time. And we were at the temple on time, without getting lost and ready for the pooja.
Next was the pooja. We just had to perform the pooja, the way the priest directed us to. Turned out, the head priest was in India. The other priest was a very dedicated man and he explained wonderfully to us, why we performed certain steps, why the lady always sits on the right side of the husband and much more. But before the pooja commenced, out came his iPhone. And he verified a few things and read them before we started. There - it was the fourth thing that got us through smoothly.

This is an example of how for one single event, we were so reliant on technology. We all have our examples. My four-year old niece is adept at going on YouTube from her dad's iPhone and iPad. We met A's four and a half year old nephew two days back. He was teaching A and his grand mother how to operate the iPad and how his grand mother could pause a video he was watching. Yes, there are pros and cons to kids learning technology at such a young age. But that is not the discussion for this blog post. How many times have you gone to the Internet to look for the perfect recipe for chilli paneer or sweet corn soup or the apt appetizer to vow your party crowd? Or you were lost on the highway and none else, but the GPS helped you. The flip side also being that your GPS was just not able to get any signal and you were not able to find your way smoothly, unless you stopped at a gas station and asked for it.

The other major change - dictionaries and thesaurus. I am as guilty as anyone else on this one. I admit not looking at a dictionary in years, yes years. If I don't know a meaning or need grammar help, all I do is go to the Merriam-Webster website (http://www.merriam-webster.com/). I have that as a bookmark on my work and home computer. But I don't have the Webster dictionary at work. One of the microwaves at work is in the room that has two printers and has stationery and office supplies. The room also has those gigantic dictionaries that we grew up seeing. (You know how old you are if you too saw those dictionaries!) During the two or three minutes that I am waiting for my food to heat up, I invariably end up thinking that, "When my children are born, and are growing up, will they use a physical dictionary? Will they peruse the encyclopedias that we did?" Or would something more advanced than Google come up by that time?

While we are at books, I see more people on the Metro who are reading e-books on the not-so-new anymore Kindle or iPad or something similar, rather than the good ol' book. I had never seen someone so engrossed in a book that they would keep reading it while walking. How is it then that they keep reading on the Kindle while walking? And then they would either slow down or bump in to someone as they are not looking ahead, but on the screen?

A and I did a fun thing a few weeks back. We had a situation in front of us, and the easy thing was to look up online for a solution. But we decided not to resort to that for once, and challenge ourselves. It was a lot of fun, and also an exercise that made us realize how dependent we have become on technology. Next time, when you too are going to click on your favorite website to help you, do pause. And see if you can work on your situation without that. I think you will enjoy it!

Street Food - Part 2

2011-11-29T18:54:00.000-08:00

I enjoyed writing about street food in India and reminiscing the good old days. In the United States, I have traveled extensively to the north-east, the mid-west and a bit of south-east. The western part is still a mystery for me. So this blog post mainly talks about street food in these regions.
I will start from the most current experience and go back to what I have been noticing over the years. I have lived in DC for a little over three months now. My colleagues I and A were the first to introduce me to food trucks in DC.

Let me tell you that people in DC take their food trucks very seriously. There are dedicated websites not just for the food trucks, but also to locate them. Some URLs of websites of food trucks are: http://takorean.com/, http://fojol.com/, http://www.eatsauca.com/ and many more. Unlike India - they do not park themselves at the same place, same time every day. They are more mobile. I have not had a good experience eating good Indian food in restaurants in DC. Some of the best Indian food I have had though is at these food trucks - made by non-Indian people! The food offered by these food trucks ranges from everyone's favorite pizza to Mexican food, Thai food, empanadas, a lot of kabab trucks, Indian, Ethiopian and other cuisines. Because of my egg allergies, I have not had the cupcakes. I once got a cupcake for A and he absolutely loved it. Oh and yes - to further satiate your sweet tooth, there are specialty ice-creams and gelatos also.

The first time I went to the food truck was during our lunch break. I could not wait to get back to my desk and eat. The Bombay Chicken was yummy. What I really liked was that they had used very good spices. And you could know from the taste, that they ground their own spices - rather than use the ubiquitous 'curry' powder. Since that time, I have had Korean tacos, vegetarian empanadas (I got lucky as they didn't have egg), Mediterranean food, Indian and Ethiopian food. I had never had Korean tacos before. They were served on a corn tortilla with fresh salad called kimchi. It was made with red cabbage, cilantro and lemon. The crispy salad went perfectly with the filling and the soft taco. During the summer and fall months, there is a once-a-month festival called 'Truckeroo'. Food trucks within DC participate in it. They all gather at one big open area and park themselves from 10 or 11 in the morning to 10 or 11 at night. I went to the last one a month back. I have to admit that I called A from there and told him I wanted to eat everything over there! I have not seen something like this elsewhere happen on such a regular basis. This is what I mean when I say that people in DC take their food trucks seriously. Currently DC citizens are trying to save the food trucks as they are competition to the restaurant business and so the latter does not want the food trucks. The only flip side is that if you went to a particularly famous food truck, chances are you will have to wait a little before you got your food.

Moving on, some of the most well known food trucks in Columbus, Ohio were taco trucks. Several of them were owned by Mexican folks who didn't know or speak English. One website spelled things out for a person to order when s/he went to a taco truck and not confuse or get confused. A lot of food trucks in Columbus mushroomed late at night - after 10:30 or 11 PM and that too close to the bars and night clubs and of course close to campus. A once had the lamb gyro late at night and really liked it. They were very accommodating and customized his order. When I met my friend K A-H a few months back, she said that work was being done at the local level to offer more healthy food at the food trucks. This would provide a boost to those who wanted to eat tasty, yet healthy food and not resort to unhealthy food, just because it was street food. Columbus has the largest college campus in the country. The business of food trucks or food vendors would thrive if they could sustain themselves on or near campus. During the three years I was there (2008-2011), I didn't see a lot of options apart from the usual Panera bread, Wendy's, Chipotle and the like. I think having food trucks or food vendors in the campus area would be a great way to diversify the culinary appetite of students, faculty and staff.

The first time I had food from a food cart was masala dosa and it was in New York city (NYC)! Yes - it was masala dosa! I was at a South Asian Journalists Association's annual conference. I had been in the country only four months and I saw this advert about the dosa truck at several places. And people were already talking about it before lunch. I was curious why everyone was raving about it and so I tried it. After eating the first few bites, I understood why everyone was talking about it. The dosa (similar to a savory rice crepe) was crisp, light and the masala was adequately spiced to serve various palettes.

Thiru Kumar, also known as 'Dosa Man' is very well known and also has a loyal clientele that is willing to wait in the long lines. He dishes out masala dosas that you definitely want to try if you are in the city and spot his truck in your vicinity. A loves the food trucks and food carts in New York City. He loves the kababs and gyros that the city offers. They are quick to order, and easy to handle if you are on the go and need something handy that will not spoil your blazer during a work week. With NYC's cosmopolitan crowd and a population that is willing to try food from different ethnicities, it is no wonder that food carts and food trucks are so well known. Apart from these, there naturally are the hot dog carts and the carts that sell things ranging from small pizza slices to candy to peanuts and hotdogs.
When A and I lived in Connecticut, I began working in downtown Hartford a few months before we moved to Columbus. So I didn't get a chance to explore it as much. Hartford, being the insurance capital of the country, had several big firms, IT firms and more. This was one of the main reasons that food carts were seen mostly in downtown Hartford. The way even small cities in India have a major street food presence, it is not the case in the United States. You are not very likely to see food carts or food trucks in small cities. What one may find in smaller cities though is specialty restaurants that serve some of the best local cuisine, and people from other parts of the country come to try that.

Again - please do share your share of experience with food trucks or food carts in the United States. If you have never been here, what is something that you would like to tray?

*Pictures of New York dosas taken from http://newyorkstreetfood.com

Street Food - Part 1

2011-11-27T18:36:00.000-08:00

If you have not had street food - ever, or in any part of the globe - I will say you are missing something. You are missing the casual atmosphere, getting fresh and tasty food and seeing it made right in front of you. What you won't miss is burning a hole in your pocket. Laaris (pronounced as laa-rees) or road-side places where they make the most delicious food were the ubiquitous small places lined up on the side of the roads in most cities in India. One of my favorite cuisines to eat at these road-side stalls was Indian Chinese food. As they read this post, I know my sister N and some other friends would probably be dreaming of the piping hot vegetarian manchurian and chilli garlic noodles that we used to get from there more than ten years back. It was almost a weekly or fortnightly routine to get any type of food from these laaris. We used to get this food more than ten years ago and people still love the street-side food in India. My sister also loved South Indian food from a road-side eatery in Baroda. It was a tad too spicy for me, but delicious nonetheless. Those who know A know that he loves food. One of his favorite was egg-bhurji (scrambled eggs, cooked with Indian spices, onions, tomatoes and cilantro) and any other egg preparation. He always says that you just cannot replicate the taste of road-side egg dishes at home.

Basically - the road side stalls offered food from Indian Chinese to authentic north Indian food to all sorts of egg-preparations, and a lot more. It is not just that the price is attractive at these places. These road-side food places - that stand on four wheels and cook food in a small area right in front of you also had the appeal of a very good taste. How many of you had had stale food in 3 star to 5-star hotels? That won't be the case here as these people don't have the mechanism to store food. You won't see a refrigerator or freezer at the laari. So you know it is fresh and that gets validated in the taste.

Bombay and Delhi boast of some of the best street-side food. There are vendors who may not even have their stall on four wheels. They may dish their lip-smacking snacks from a small box that is hoisted on a bicycle or have a sturdy long stool on which they keep their snacks. For instance, one can easily find Dabeli (pronounced as daa-bay-lee) sellers in Bombay - who may have a stall or may operate from their bicycle. Think of dabeli as a sandwich with spicy mashed potatoes, with a smearing of two or three chutneys and sprinkled with peanuts and pomengranate seeds.

The ever famous Bombay's Bhel puri that people eat not just by the beaches is again something one should try. It also brings me to another point. My mom always said that eat anything that is warm, but not cold. And the chutneys in the bhel and dabeli qualify as cold. The same goes for raw onions and tomatoes. Her logic was that anything that has been cooked will kill the germs. She was right, but we still indulged :) Similar to restaurants, seasoned road-side food vendors will ask you if you want your food mild, medium or spicy.

The nation's capital - New Delhi is no stranger to road side food. Here's an anecdote. On my last trip to India in 2009, I went to Delhi to visit my best friend T, her husband and their beautiful daughter. We went for a drive in the evening and her husband - being a foodie, told me to try chaat from one particular road-side vendor. I could not be more excited. It was around 7 PM. So we went there. It was as if I was a kid in the candy store then.
There were so many options to choose from, at a humble road-side vendor. Some were a tad bigger than the others. They worked so efficiently. Once again I didn't heed to my mother's advice. I had pani puri from there. Now anyone who has lived in India or has had family visiting from across the pond, knows that they are always told to be cautious of the water! And I had pani puri from a road-side vendor. I couldn't miss this chance. And I've lived in India all my life. So I had that, shared the dahi bhalla, aloo tikki chaat and samosa chaat.

How could I be in Delhi and miss the chaat? After driving for about half an hour, my friend's husband asked, "Dinner kahaan karenge?" (where will we do dinner?) And I told him I thought that that was dinner. To him that was snack. And to a lot of other Delhi residents, road-side vendors help tide the people over till dinner time. The road-side food stalls serve as a snack and the heavier dishes can be a meal in itself.

To end on a sweet note, my friend S highly recommended cold cocoa. I had never had it till I went to Bombay. Cold cocoa is cold milk, with rich chocolate and lots of ice. It may or may not be sweetened with sugar. I got my chance to try that when I went to Bilimora (a town in the state of Gujarat) to my friend L's place. Her dad took us to this place and I understood the reason why S always raved about it. Cold cocoa could be vaguely similar to mocha latte (minus the coffee) or a chocolate thick shake. Like all other street-eats, this was delicious too. I consider myself lucky that I have never fallen sick or had an upset stomach because I had food from one of the road-side food stalls. If you noticed the heading - it says Part 1. Part 2 is all about street food in the United States. This post is written as I reminisce small details of India and the small things that make you smile. Immaterial of the country you grew up in, what were some of your favorite street foods? Do you even enjoy street food? I would love to know your experience.

Pictures taken from Chatteringkitchen.com, Shutterstock.com,

Destiny

2011-11-19T19:49:00.000-08:00

I am writing a blog after a long long time. A lot happened between the last post I wrote – more than a year ago, and this one. I graduated from school, got a second Master's degree, fell sick with my annual flu, had a big family vacation to British Columbia in Canada, my second beautiful niece was born and I moved to Washington DC. A and I always wanted to move back to the north east part of the country and I found a good job in the District. Having a full time job has happened after a long time - five and a half years, and after working for it. A senior and very well-respected person in the field of policies told me in an email about a month back that I have a great support group here in DC. It made me emotional and immediately made me reflect on the past few years. Having a professional support group has not come easily. The email is the reason for this blogpost.
I came to the United States in early 2006, with a background in journalism. I knew it would be difficult to break in to journalism, but was willing to work for it. I didn't know how much 'work' meant at that time. Since that time, I freelanced, interviewed at places for a full-time job, worked odd jobs and then got enrolled in school. Like me, there are other girls who come to the country, give up their passion to work to follow their heart and be with their significant other. The choices of finding work are limited. I would say that from the many friends I've had, M from Connecticut has been one of the luckiest, who took her GMAT and got admission in a college in NY. And then she found a job! So she didn't end up going to school, and began working. I was beyond happy for her when that happened to her. (I still remember the car conversation that the four of us had)
Some of us freelanced for a year or two, hoping to break in, and at the same time understood that it was not easy. The combination of not having a work permit along with print journalism trying to cut corners was not in our favor. We went to school, changed our fields and got our degrees. It is easy for me to fit this in a few paragraphs. But it was hardly easy. We did become adept at juggling school, work, home and social responsibilities. We went to school with the hope that an educational degree from here would help finding a job a bit easier.

As luck would have it, the timing was such that by the time we graduated, the country was already in a recession. Companies didn't want to spend the money on hiring a lawyer and filing the paperwork for a work permit. A lot of us were once again writing cover letters, tweaking resumes and looking for jobs. The difference was that we had a degree from this country. The question was - to what extent did this help?
A and I were extremely fortunate that we were able to get the green card (becoming permanent residents). This provided a huge impetus and a factor that helped me get the job I now have. Had I not had a green card, I would not have been eligible to even apply for this position. After spending endless hours talking on the phone with friends who were in a similar situation and asking if I should take this job, I finally did! My friend F and I have spent a lot of time on the phone since 2006 - first venting out our frustrations about freelancing, then deciding whether to go to school or not, and then talking about visas and green cards.
I understand the value of this opportunity because of what my friends and I have worked for. Having a handful of friends who have been in the same boat as I and having a family that supported me has helped on various levels. In the end, it is all about choices we make and our luck. Should you go back to school? Should you pay the enormous fees that an international student pays? What's next? What if I keep trying to find a job? There will be questions at every stage of life, decisions that will have to be made.

My two cents – step back, take a look at the bigger picture. Have faith in the Higher Power. This post is called Destiny as you swim along with the currents of life and adapt accordingly

Caring Hand

2010-09-15T13:23:00.000-07:00

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But that doesn’t mean one will never fall sick. We all have had our share of visits to the doctor. I used to have a favorite doctor in India (back in the ‘90s and early 2000), Dr U, a Parsi gentleman. He was very calm, always made sure the patient was at ease when he/she would be with him and left feeling better also. It was not just the medicines that he prescribed that helped. He would have a very reassuring touch, when he was feeling your pulse or when he was doing a check-up. It is small things like that, which really help a patient and gives them faith. I had gone to meet Dr U last year when I went to India, not as a patient, but as someone who has a lot of respect for the doctor. He has the right diagnosis most of the times, gives you logical explanations in a way that lay man can understand and comforts the patient.
Cut to 2010. Times have changed. To put it in just one sentence, the medical field has drastically changed. Doctors have to see a specific number of patients to get their dues from the insurance companies. The drill is to go to the doctor’s office, have the nurse note down your vitals and then wait for the doctor to come. If you’re lucky, the doctor will arrive within five minutes. And if you’re not, be ready to wait fifteen to twenty minutes till you see the doctor. And somehow, it always feels like the doctor is in a rush to leave the room and get the patient done with. It seems like it’s more about achieving numbers than seeing a patient. The doctor will come, ask how you’re feeling, and may or may not have a prognosis for you. The whole concept of bedside care is dwindling.
Even in the ER, a doctor will stop by fleetingly to see you and to see if the head nurse has taken the proper and adequate steps to take care of you. It’s at times like that that you want to talk to the doctor, hoping the doctor is patient enough to listen to you! After waiting for hours in the ER, when you are wheeled in, the comfort is not there. That seems to be missing. Times may have changed, but a patient’s needs still remain the same. The patient still looks for reassurance, and the gentle touch. The unsaid words make a big difference, rather than the doctor saying something like, “I don’t know why this happened, or you are doing fine and your reports are normal.”
Dr. Abraham Verghese writes about this topic too and his work at Stanford University emphasizes on bedside medicine. His website, http://www.abrahamverghese.com/biography.asp, mentions about ‘The importance of bedside medicine and physical examination in a time in medicine when the use of advanced technology frequently results in the patient in the bed having less attention than the patient data in the computer.” Please try to lay your hands on Dr. Verghese’s ‘Tennis Partner’ and ‘Cutting for Stone’.

Boss - Not Just a Hierarchical Senior

2010-08-26T19:01:00.000-07:00

I've been working for more than seven years now. And I interned for a couple of months before I began working. Have been thinking about the role that a boss plays for sometime now. The boss I had at my current workplace left some months back. I was relatively new to the field of public policies as had moved from the journalism field. The lady was instrumental in making me understand the basics by giving tasks that would give me an understanding of things. And soon enough, she recognized my strengths and I enjoyed being proactively involved at work. But then she left and although I continue to work and be proactive, I selfishly wish she were still there.

This is the current scenario, but walking back to where I started, it was at a newspaper with one of the largest publications in Mumbai, India. An intern who was still in school and worked during the summer break, L has been the best boss one could ask for. On the very first day of my internship, she told me to tag along with a fellow reporter and I did that for the next day too. By the third day, I began going out on my own for stories. She was receptive to me getting my own story angles and also told me if covering a particular event or running a story would make sense. She pointed out where I needed to improve, and at the same time gave me the freedom to find newsworthy things happening in the city, getting contacts, etc.

Still in my first week as an intern, I covered a tricky story and to my surprise, it was the cover story the next day! By being herself, L taught sincerity, paying attention to details, and finding about stories that people will like to read. Most of all, seeing her passion for work - it instilled in me one of the biggest things I really value - loving the work I do. Some of my classmates and people from my college eventually worked under her and have had the same opinion of L. It has been great to work with her.

Another boss I had in Mumbai, at a different publication was very frank. I used to be intimidated of this person for quite some time. More than a year and a half after I joined that publication, I needed to take leave for some a couple months to go home in Baroda. I was not sure whether this leave would be granted and understandably enough, questions would be asked. It was not something that one does regularly. I told this boss that I needed this break and that would work from home, edit stories from home and help close the issue on time. The boss just asked me one question. "Why do you want to go home?". Before talking to this person, I had been in doldrums as to what to say. I told the boss the truth and the reason for the break. Without thinking for a minute, this person let me go. That day I learnt another thing. A boss will be willing to understand your point of view if you are genuine. To date, am intermittently in touch with this boss and it's always nice chatting with the person.

I've been blessed to have great bosses, that have let my creative juices flow and let me explore different ways to approach a situation. And there have been times when I've seen that bosses sometimes can't guide their team efficiently and don't take responsibility as a team leader. Or there are those who make their subordinates wary of them.
Knock on wood, I've enjoyed going to work everyday in all these years of my professional life. This blog is for L, A, J, V and all the great people I've worked with!

Love Is...

2010-07-21T12:08:00.000-07:00

Love is when you sleepily hold your partner first thing in the morning
Love is when mommy doesn't eat mushrooms, because her daughter/ son has mushroom allergies
Love is when your two-year old comes running at you and hugs you when you pick her up at day care
Love is when your partner does dishes at night, just because you don't feel like it
Love is when your toddler comes and kisses you because he loves mommy and daddy
Love is when a 60-something lady misses her husband, who is miles away from her and writes him an e-mail once in a while
Love is when your friend tells you out of concern that you've put on weight and need to lose some
Love is when your mother or mother-in-law chops onions for you as they make you cry
Love is when your friend wakes up early in the morning only to talk to you in peace (to account for time difference between continents and that she has a 2-year old kid)
Love is when you meet a friend after ages and begin talking as if you just met yesterday
Love is when a dog is your companion on the bus, takes you to your work safely and you give him a nice rub on his back
Love is when the whole family gets together to make a birthday card for a 8-year old's birthday
Love is when your partner writes those little notes on the aluminum foil of your lunch sandwich

It's definitely cliche, but enjoy the small pleasures! It's those memories that take you through the rough times

Senior Speak

2010-07-20T12:47:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that I have a soft corner for senior people. I find it amazing that seniors, who are easily in their 70s, 80s and beyond, are self-sufficient and independent. Having grown up in India, senior citizens are viewed and treated differently. Have not seen them so independent, who drive cars and frequent the theatres to watch movies.

I feel it is a matter to appreciate that they do so much on their own. In India, children and/ or grandchildren would take care of parents - willingly or with a grudge. They are pampered or restricted. My mother-in-law, who is visiting from India also happened to mention that seniors walk so efficiently over here and have the drive to spend their time in a good way.

Some people get irked when they find a senior citizen in front of them at the grocery store and he/ she takes forever to give the current amount. They would put all change that they have on the cashier's table and let the person figure it out. I see it as them being independent enough to step out of the house, drive to Kroger/ Meijer/ Walmart/ Stop & Shop, shop for themselves, and go home. It takes alertness, quite a bit of physical fitness and confidence to do this.
And all these three things don't come easy when one steps in to that age when you start getting mails from AARP (American Association of Retired Persons). At times I wonder if I would be able to do what my mother's mother does at the age of 75 or what my mother's aunt does at 80-something. Do you get that thought? Are you confident that if you live that long, you'd cook so effortlessly, have the enthusiasm to go for a walk in the park or take your partner to the movies or go by yourself?

The concern that I do have is when senior citizens are not alert while driving. Because of this, they not just harm themselves, they may end up injuring a person or a person may lose his/ her life because of the senior citizen.
I am not patient with them or give them one of the biggest smiles because I know that one day I'd get there too. It's just appreciation for something they do so well.

Meeting Children, Teens and Adults in 24 hours - An Unforgettable Experience

2010-05-15T12:31:00.000-07:00

When I started studying at the Ohio State University, my on-campus job was at the University's Child Care Center - helping teachers, playing with children and spending time with them. Since my educational background was different from my graduate studies, I was supposed to take pre-requisite courses with the Undergraduates. And then of course was attending classes in my school. It is a professional course
My day began in the morning at the Child Care Center (CCC). I had never known children before my time at CCC. After getting over my initial awkwardness with the children, I began enjoying there. In a lot of ways, I liked the innocence of children, seeing up and close of how children learn the basics of life - not just A, B, C,s - but also learning to eat, learning to walk, interacting with other children, adults and so much more. I began to look forward to interacting with them. There was a really sweet girl, who's mother was at a big position at OSU. I asked her once, "What do you think mommy does at work?" And she said, "She drinks water." All of a little over two years, I broke in to a smile having listened to her reply. The children didn't have sibling rivalry at that age. The kids would love it when their brother or sister came to pick them up with mommy or daddy at the end of the day.

After spending 4-5 hours with them, I would attend courses with the undergraduate students. And suddenly you could see how different they were. It made me think about the importance of the different stages of life. These students were all grown up, they were in their late-teens, and I was in my late-twenties! These students were all about keeping up with fashion, texting their friends during class and in a hurry to leave once class got over. Although I knew what to expect, I was still somewhat amazed that students attended class in track pants and shorts. I felt this way as this was not the norm in India where I'd had all my education. I began missing the innocence of the toddlers. The teens would have a different expression on their face when I said that I didn't live with roommates, but with my husband as I was married. It seemed like they were always in a hurry to do everything. What I really liked was to see the energy they had. The energy for life, energy to do things and just go on.

Attend spending a couple of hours learning the pre-requisite courses, I went to my graduate school. This was a professional course, where everyone was dressed really well, some in ties and jackets too. My day literally consisted from muddy pants, to shorts to ironed trousers and business attire. And it went beyond just the clothes. Some of them were fresh from undergrad school, but a lot were in the middle of their career, who attended school to enhance their knowledge on different subjects.

My colleagues at graduate school identified more with who I was, that I was married and came from a different professional background. They were not in a hurry for things. Grades mattered to the undergrads and graduate students both. But not as much to the latter. For them, it was important to be able to use the knowledge at work. There would be times when I'd feel like some of these graduate students would be parents of infants and toddlers and teens also! And that they've gone through so many phases in life.

I sometimes got overwhelmed with school, spending time with really different people, and trying to do well in school. What helped at that time was taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture. The little infants and toddlers gave me perspective on several things. That proper upbringing is so important and in many ways lays the foundation of your life. Stepping back and seeing the bigger picture made me see that each phase in life is so important. The experience of undergraduate years teaches you so much, make great friendships, etc. And then graduate school was important in terms of applying all that you have learnt, teaching others and more.
I have finished the pre-requisite courses, go only to graduate school (have only six more months of studying left!) and left child-care to work at a place that is more relevant to my school work!

No Longer Second Fiddle

2010-05-15T12:13:00.000-07:00

Please do not treat this as a feminist blog. Have been meaning to write this blog for some time. It's a blog on how daughters shoulder the same responsibilities as sons, and probably have more responsibilities than them. A quintessential aspect I want to write about is buying a house for the parents.
I am super proud to write about three girl friends of mine, who have partially or fully helped buy a house for their parents. They all have names beginning with S. So I'd refer to them as S-Ahmedabad, S-Baroda, S-USA.
Will start with my friend S-USA. She came to the United States more than ten years back. Over the years, she has become very successful in her field of economics. And just last year, she paid almost half or more than half the amount for her parents' new home. Before we were married, we always spoke of how parents may feel of taking help from a daughter, as she is considered to be of a different family. She said that she felt so proud of being able to help her parents. It is amazing that her husband has also been really supportive of her.
The next is my friend S-Ahmedabad. It is not like her parents could not afford getting an apartment on their own. Her parents work at some really prestigious places in the city. But she really wanted to do this. My friend is an amazing writer and now is on the editorial board of one of the newspapers in the city. She too was so happy to have been able to help her parents. When we were talking, she said that who said that only sons are supposed to do this. She was proud that she also provides emotional support to her parents.
The third is my friend S-Baroda. Her's is a very special story. When she got a flat for her parents several years back, the bank officials, from who she took the loan said that she was the youngest person to who they were lending a home loan. They have known what tough times are. And through all that and through her hard work, S-Baroda gave not just the gift of the house, but support to her parents when they needed it the most. She's been the son of the house in the true sense. She is doing great in her job.
These situations are still rare in India, as Indians believe they cannot take such help from their daughters once they are married. Two of these women are married and helped their parents after their marriage. Goes to show how independent women are. And that even though times may change, and you may live in another country, but the values inculcated when we were children remains the same!

Your Destiny in Your Hands. Really?

2010-04-07T13:19:00.000-07:00

How many of us have seen people wearing rings with stones of green, blue, magenta, etc? Or know family people fasting on Tuesday, Thursday or any of the other five days? I bet a lot will have positive replies to this. I find myself often asking one question. Is this hypocrisy?
A lot of people wear it to avoid having a bad spell on their life or to have a reduced effect of a bad spell. Some wear it to improve their current life. Some have a reason that because they did all these things, things are not as bad as they could have been. Others will do it to have a better health, to help the couple procreate; succeed in their academics, etc. The list can go on and on. Maybe you can add on some as well. I am not being sarcastic here. And it is not like life’s always been rosy and smooth for me. In fact, it has been after going through those potholes (some really huge ones) that I think on these lines.
Now the thought of why I consider this hypocrisy. The Holy book of Hindus is called Geeta. One of the biggest and better known preaching of the Geeta is that ‘Do your own duty. And in return, do not think of the fruit (outcome).’ I believe that this contradicts with the wearing of rings, some necklaces, fasting, etc. In this case, you are fasting, wearing some stones, etc, to get a desired outcome. Does this not mean you are not doing what the Geeta teaches you? One is performing an action or duty (fasting, wearing stones, in this case), precisely to get a particular outcome (something that you really want).
This not only makes me think that the two thoughts have different approaches, but also tells me about faith. Those who believe in the Higher power will have faith in His decisions. And not try to manipulate that. Whenever things don’t go too well, we are told, “Don’t worry, everything happens for a reason.” This once again contradicts what one says, and what one does. We are told to “Have faith in your own self”. If we do, then why let a stone or a particular day influence that? I agree that particular days are meant for specific deities and stones for some other purpose, but what religious book tells you to do these things? And how will doing so change the course of your life?
If one is doing it for their own satisfaction, that’s fine. But then few will admit to that. This may seem like a strong article, but this was something I’ve been thinking for sometime now, and am now putting it across. I hope not to offend anyone’s feelings with this.

Religion and Spirituality

2010-04-07T13:18:00.001-07:00

I was at Barnes and Noble (a bookstore, www.barnesandnoble.com) a couple of years back, looking at some books. Curiosity got the better of me and I asked one of the employees to help me find books on spirituality. He took me to the isle that had books on religion and showed me several books on Buddhism, Islam, Christianity, etc. I told him I was looking for books on spirituality and not religion. To which he said, “This is all we have here.” After some time, I did find a few books on spirituality. This incident made me think of how people may confuse spirituality and religion. But the two are actually really different things. It also means different things to different people.
Over the last ten or eleven years, I’ve developed an inclination for spirituality. And have also seen how it has helped me. To be more clear, by spirituality I do not mean going to the temple regularly and reciting a long list of prayers. I have seen that meditation helps, especially over a longer period of time. Connecting with your inner self, knowing who you really are, what you are as a person helps. Just watching your breath, and keeping your eyes closed is so helpful. One can start meditation that way. This is spirituality to me - Connecting to the Higher Being through your inner self.
There was an Indian religious festival a couple of months back. In way of conversation, I was told that even early in the morning, there were so many devotees in the temple that day. And was told, “Seems like a lot of people are turning to spirituality.” So I said that, just because you go to a temple, doesn’t make you spiritual. You could be religious, and so, may go to the temple. In way of conversation, the person felt that you do need to go to a temple in order to be spiritual. This is where my point of view differed. My quest for spirituality began at a friend’s place. And over the years, I’ve found myself meditating in the living room of my house, on a lazy Saturday when am just lying in bed, or in the bus when am going to work. And this has been the case for other people also.
This doesn’t mean that visiting a temple is not needed to connect with your spiritual self. Different things work for different people. It could be that people need to go to a temple for connecting with the Higher Being. Silence works for people like me. And so temples usually don’t help, where there are lots of people, talking about things, meeting others, etc.
One technique that I have found useful to meditate – sitting, sleeping or standing, is to touch the tip of your thumb to the tip of your fingers one-by-one. If possible, close your eyes. If not, it is fine to leave them open. When you touch the finger tips with the tip of the thumb, and press very gently, you’ll feel your pulse. Feel your pulse on all four finger tips. And as you do that, transition to following your breath. And then visualize any image that calms you or makes you happy. See how it goes. Do it whenever you want, whenever you find the time and inclination for it.

What's for Dinner Tonight?

2010-02-21T15:07:00.000-08:00

During one of my conversations with M, I was telling her of how I cook for the week on Sunday. Weekdays for me are very hectic and by the time I return home, it is any time between 8 PM and 9 PM. I don’t have the inclination or enthusiasm to cook after that. M remarked to this routine that, “That way you don’t have to think everyday as to what make for dinner?” And I told her that for three years, I cooked food every evening. But somehow that question never arose in my mind.
Growing up, like several of you, my mom would also ask, “What do you want to eat for dinner tonight?” As we grew older, we realized that this was the story of many households. When I got married, I consciously made a decision not to bore A with this question and ask him in the morning or afternoon as to what to make for dinner. And somehow, four years after being married, and add to that three years of living in Mumbai where I took turns cooking with my flat-mates, I don’t run out of ideas of what to cook. In these four years, would not have asked him more than twice or thrice to help me decide what to cook. The question that was asked by my mom, I see the same question being asked by girls of my generation too. And I’ve seen their significant others not particularly being interested in answering this!
I’d attribute several reasons for this. An over dose of watching Food Network! I still have not gotten tired of watching Giada and Rachel Ray and Paula Deen! Another reason is reading some really wonderful food blogs by some amazing Indian women/ moms/ cooks. They try out authentic Indian recipes, some recipes that have been passed on from one generation to the other, they’d try authentic recipes from other countries like Italian or Mexican or Mediterranean cooking. I have really liked some of their fusion recipes and the way they use some vegetables, etc. Must say the photographs on the blogs of these women are the reason I am tempted to try them. Even if you simply Google ‘Indian food blogs’ or something to that effect, you’ll get an entire list of some really nice websites.
The third and one of the most important reasons is that I’ve somehow always been around some really good cooks. To start with – I would love seeing the way my nani (mom’s mom) cooked. And the patience she had to be in the kitchen and churn out amazing food so effortlessly. Just remembering the way she cooked, and what she made sometimes gives me ideas for dinner. And then was my mom, who still makes such amazing food. After coming to the United States, I saw my friends in Connecticut cook some of the best food I’ve ever eaten. I’ve already written a blog about them. Scroll down to read about them. Anand even ate eggplant when one of them made baingan bharta (cooked/slightly smoked eggplant, mashed and cooked with onions, garlic and other Indian spices)! Their cooking techniques, flavorful food and our weekend get-togethers were things to cherish! Even in Columbus, R, a friend and a colleague is a great cook and makes delectable food.
Oh, and yes, I am able to experiment on my cooking because A is one of the best guinea pigs I could ever have! By now you’d have guessed how much I enjoy cooking, and knowing more about recipes. :-)
So the next time you run out of ideas as to what to cook, try implementing one of these ideas. Who knows, along with some wonderful food, you’d enjoy a trip down memory lane that you can share with your children, parents, better half! Trust me, with these things, you’d find yourself asking the ‘What’s for dinner tonight’ question fewer times than before.

Is Gangtok the Capital of Sikkim? Is Itanagar a capital city or not? What about Dispur?

2010-02-21T14:38:00.001-08:00

The title of this blog does give an idea of what this blog is going to be about. Will start with telling how this discussion started and evolved over time. A and I were returning home from a party about two years ago and he was telling me that someone from his family had lived in Itanagar several years ago. All I knew was Itanagar was in the eastern part of India and was a capital city. But was not willing to admit to him that my knowledge ended there. And thus started a quizzing session. I didn’t go too far before A knew that I was ignorant of the capital cities of India. I knew most of them, but the capitals from eastern India got me really confused. And what surprised me or probably didn’t was that he knew all of them!
I was willing to bet that most people would be like me, who wouldn’t know their capital cities too well. It started first with our close circle of friends in Connecticut. Of the 7-8 of them, none of them knew the capitals. Gradually, this mini-quizzing session started with several close friends, family, relatives, colleagues, etc. I don’t think I have met more than two people who know all capital cities of India. It definitely doesn’t look good on us when we don’t know the capital cities of our own country.
Recently, A’s school friend put a statement on Facebook of a survey done by Hindustan Times. That the children of International schools in India didn’t know the capital cities as compared to children from state board schools. (For those who are not aware, for a very long time, India had three types of schools. State board schools where the state government controlled the syllabus of all schools. There were CBSE schools that had a centrally or federally controlled syllabus. And then there were ICSE schools). Who was at fault for this? The education system? Children’s inclination to remember? Too difficult to remember? Is India not that open to tourism?
The point I am trying to make here is that it is not just children who do not know capital cities. I feel like adults like us, whether you studied in India or any other nation, should have basic knowledge like this. Ask yourself. Are you aware of all capital cities of the country you studied in? Maybe both children and adults should know the capital cities of states. What do you think?
Here are capitals of some states.

Arunachal Pradesh – Itanagar
Assam – Dispur
Sikkim – Gangtok
Tripura – Agartala
Orissa – Bhubaneshwar
Nagaland – Kohima
Mizoram – Aizawl
Manipur – Imphal

Did I take you back to 5th grade?

L is for Letters

2010-01-22T12:07:00.001-08:00

It seems as if writing letters has been a thing of the past. What happened to the good ol’ communication of putting ink on the paper? I know of very few people now who still continue to write letters. What prompted me to write this blog? Well – I received a New Year greeting from our very close friends, N and N. And enclosed with it was a little hand-written letter. A and I were so happy not just to read it, but simply see a hand-written letter. The feeling of getting a letter is so different than getting an e-mail or just a New Year greeting card or a greeting with the family’s photograph. That personal touch, the personal thought that goes in to writing a letter is evident when you read a letter. The personalizing of it makes a world of difference to a person who understands the value of a hand-written note or letter! When I see that hand-addressed envelope sitting in my mailbox, I have a smile on my face, and my walk quickens to go home and read it.

Have still continued to write letters. I still exchange letters with A’s and my mom. I would write in Gujarati (our spoken language at home in India) at times also. That used to be more frequent when I would communicate with my grandparents. It is an equally good feeling to pen a letter, as much as it is to receive one. Maybe you want to give it a try! It may feel odd initially. With communication having become more quick and efficient, it is highly likely that when you sit to write a letter to your parents or friends or significant other (if he/she stays away from you), you may not have matter to write. What I have felt is that when you sit to write a letter, there are things that come up, which may not come up in routine conversations.

The last I wrote a letter was when I sent a gift for another very close friend’s new born daughter. We were roommates in Mumbai and she’s now settled in LA, and is the mom of a beautiful baby girl. Every time I would write letters in Mumbai to my parents or grandparents in Baroda, she would always say, “When will you write me a letter?” Being in the same town, I never got an opportunity, but she did get a letter almost six years after that!

Letters make for beautiful memories! On a day when you’re feeling low, if you go back to the old letters that you got from your mom and dad, siblings, friends, loved ones, it would bring back your mood. For those who have lived in India or received letters from there would know of the light blue International mail letter. Sometimes, just seeing that envelope does the trick for me. For one of my birthdays, when I lived in Mumbai, K had given me this beautiful letter pad made of hand-made paper. It lasted a very long time and I still remember writing letters on those hand-made papers with a beautiful design on the top!

Some years back, when letters were already beginning to get replaced by e-mails, people would write long e-mails. And it would feel so good to see a long e-mail sitting in your inbox. A has a habit of writing good long e-mails once in a while. But now, getting long e-mails is also rare. They’re also becoming short and to the point.
I hope I convinced you to pick a pen and write a letter to anyone. Just think of the reaction they would have when they see a personal note from you! Happy writing!

SMS English in Daily Communication

2010-01-22T12:04:00.000-08:00

SMS is short for Short Messaging Service. And yes, I am aware it used to cover as much information you can in 160 characters when you send a message to someone’s mobile phone. My question is: Why use the same kind of English in e-mails and social media (except Twitter, which has text limits)? There is no dearth of space in an e-mail or other forms of communication. Nor do you have to pay an extra buck for it. I am not against using small words when it comes to texting someone, but gets irritating when transferred to other media of communication.

Most people these days have a good control over the keyboard and have a good typing speed. It makes me wonder as to how much longer it will take if one wrote a complete word in regular English than in SMS English. Writing ‘dissertation’ will probably take two seconds longer than writing ‘dissy’! I have come across some formal mails also where people have used disastrous English to communicate through English, which is not even SMS English probably. Some alphabets like ‘g’ go missing at the end of a word for some people. It is absolutely normal for them to write ‘evenin’ or ‘clubbin’, etc. I may come across as old-fashioned when I write this, but I really wished people wrote regular English in e-mails, letters or other social media websites.

Here are some words that I’ve routinely seen that really makes me wish the above.

Sffring – it means ‘suffering’
Anvsry – it means ‘anniversary’
Dissy – it means ‘dissertation’
Sm – it means ‘some’ (This makes me think about the time it takes to write ‘sm’ and to write ‘some’)
Nt – it means ‘not’ (Again makes me think the same thing)
Hv nt – it means ‘have not’ (would be better if this were written on the cell phone, rather than e-mail)
Sumtyms – I know what it means, but again, there’s literally just two more alphabets to type in the original word of ‘sometimes’
Pychas –I think this one takes the cake. Guess what this means! And I’ve read this word written by quite a few people. It means ‘pictures’!!

Maybe people write this type of English to stay with the flow or keep up with the times! In this aspect, I continue to remain old-fashioned or ancient and write in the English I’ve grown up learning!

'Egg'ceptions Apply

2010-01-09T10:17:00.000-08:00

I've been allergic to eggs since I was five or six years old. It never posed much of a problem in India as there always have been eggless foods to bank upon. A lot of people there do not eggs as they believe it to be a non-vegetarian food item and against their religion to eat it.

Before I came to the United States, A's sister and A had told me that a lot of food items will have egg here. Having come from India, I had never thought that ice-creams and some everyday breads can also have egg!

It so happens that when at a house party or when invited for dinner, I would ask if some food has egg, only to avoid a problematic situation for me as well as the hosts. Several families find it difficult to fathom that a person can have egg and other food allergies. Or some people feel that it is extremely uncommon for people of Indian origin to have food allergies. So over the years, have come across a wide array of things people have told me when I said I don't eat desserts, cakes or anything that has egg or eggs itself.

Here are some reasons that people have told me. And these are after I have told them that I am allergic and have been tested for it also just about a year or two back. Please feel free to tell me your experience, if you've had any on these lines.

1. Are you sure you have an egg allergy?

2. Why don't you try this food? It has egg, but who knows, you may not actually react!

One of the most common thing I get to hear is this:

3. I am sure it is psychological. You should keep an open mind. It's all in your mind. Just eat it. Then see what happens! Take the thought out of your mind and try it once.

4. Beta, does your entire family not eat egg? (I don't understand why family comes in this. But I still say that my dad, mom and sister eat, but I can't. And then I get to hear this) So only you don't FEEL like eating eggs?

One of the most bizarre ones I hear is this:

5. When A eats eggs, and everything else, then why don't you?

Even as I write this, I feel like telling them that there is just no connection in the question you just asked me.

6. Beta, you should do Pranayam, your allergies will go away. All allergies will go away if you do it everyday for X amount of time

7. Maybe you are plain scared to try eggs.

8. Why don't you start eating eggs now? Maybe you had allergies as a child. I have not heard of any adults having food allergies, so now you should eat eggs.

I started eating chicken a year back, not to increase my food options, but because I started enjoying it. So people's comments have reduced a little, but one comment remains.

9. See, now that you can eat chicken, try egg. I think it is a psychological barrier you have against eggs. When you eat non-vegetarian, what is wrong with eggs?

I had a funny experience when I was in Delhi this summer, visiting T. T, her daughter and I were out shopping. At lunch time, I thought of getting myself a butter chicken frankie. Out of my usual habit for checking if the tortilla (outer covering of frankie) had egg, I asked him if anything had egg. And the guy told me that they had a regular roti (Indian flat bread), then an omelette and inside that they put the chicken filling. So I told the man to omit the omelette and just put the filling in the roti. To which he said that the omelette will accentuate the flavor. And I persisted saying I still didn't want it. And then he said, "Lekin madam, aap ne toh chicken frankie order kiya hai. Phir bhi?" ("But madam, when you have ordered chicken frankie, why omit the egg?) After I said yes once again, he did omit the egg, but was definitely flustered at this weird order!!

I feel good that sometimes people are genuinely concerned and some will go the extra mile and read the tiresome list of ingredients when they go shopping. This really touches me that they went out of their way to accommodate me. It gets to me when people assume I have a psychological block over and over again.

One last bit of information for those who have egg allergies. Here are some foods to watch out for. They are foods that you may assume do not have eggs.

1. All flavors of Ben n Jerry and Haagen Dazs have egg.

2. Subway veggie patty has egg.

3. So do some multi-grain or 12 grain or 15-grain breads.

4. Some whole wheat organic and regular burger buns.

5. Most Kaiser rolls.

6. Indian flat breads in restaurants - especially naan and kulcha have egg most of the times. Won't hurt to ask if it does or doesn't.

Wish you all happy and healthy eating!

Annt Mein Kuch Nahin Rehta, Sirf Shabd Reh Jaate Hain (Nothing Remains In the End, Only Words Remain)

2009-12-14T18:30:00.001-08:00

Was talking to a friend some time back. She was distressed and upset about the way she has been treated by some people. While talking to her, she happened to mention one thing, which is mentioned in the title. She said, that in the end, after one's physical's self ceases to exist, nothing and absolutely nothing remains. What one remembers a person is by the words s/he spoke. A small sentence, but so profound and so true.

If you sit back and think, this means a lot. In a way, it also impacts the way we live right now. We all know of close family people or friends who we may have lost. The reason they remain in our memories, in our thoughts is because of what they used to tell us or would have shared with us. Sounds cliched, but the reason we remember even those who didn't amass a great amount of wealth is because of the people they were and the words and thoughts that made them. Why then, do people spoil relations of a lifetime for materialistic pleasures?

Is it that difficult to be a good person? Which makes me think - 'being good' is very relative. Is it a case of 'easier said than done'?

This conversation made me think more on the lines of 'What does a person want to be remembered by'? 'Why are relationships more complex'? 'Can a relation be improved if one consistently keeps harming the relation?' It's not like we don't know that what matters eventually is the person who you are and that is how you'd be remembered. Yet, knowingly and unknowingly, people spoil and break ties. Why?

Marriage Matches May be Made in Heaven, But ...

2009-12-14T17:47:00.000-08:00

Most girls have always dreamt of a particular way of the way they want their marriage to be. And for a lot of them, since they've quite young, they have an image in their mind of how the event would be. It is after all, one of the biggest days in their life. In some Indian cultures, it is said that birth, death and marriage are the three biggest things in a person life and one has no control on the three of them.

Have been noticing for some years how stressful planning a marriage can be. I want to divide this blog entry in two parts - on the financial stress and the overall stress that comes in to being with planning a wedding. Marriages in India are increasingly about keeping up with social norms, doing things at a wedding because other friends did it and to avoid adverse social gossip. In the recent past, have seen families where a marriage was going to take place and the bride-to-be or the parents took a loan for the wedding. The money would be used to get the trousseau, get gifts for the family and the new family, get jewelry for the bride, paying the rent for the marriage hall and much more. Have seen some cases where the bride and groom or one of them didn't want an extravagant wedding, but had to have one to fulfill a family's desires.

I have heard instances where after the wedding is completed, it is not that easy to pay a loan off. In India, with everyday living getting more expensive, re-paying the loan amount taken for a wedding is definitely not easy. And in the end, how much ever one strives for perfection and keeping up with the times for social events like this, those who want to find faults will still continue to. Someone told me that they took a loan, but felt that rather than respect everyone's desires, they should have kept it simple and not taken hefty loans.

I was talking about this with A, and he felt that what was the point of taking a loan for a wedding when a marriage itself is the biggest things and that is the thing of utmost importance. Couldn't have agreed more on that.

The next point is about the stress of a wedding. Makes me wonder when people say just a week or a day before their wedding as to how stressed they feel about wedding planning. Completing minor things like arranging decorative plates, decorating gifts, adhering to dates and times given by both sides of the wedding parties, coordinating things, maintaining tempers at home and also coming to a consensus on important things regarding the wedding. Marriages are meant to be enjoyed. Going back four years, when A and I got married, I think our parents and both of us were pretty care free and actually relished the time with both families. People stress about purchasing the right things, giving gifts to the new family of an appropriate value and which will be appreciated also and much more. A friend mentioned recently as to how she is looking the months to come as she'd be married and she no longer would have to worry about going home and plan for the wedding. She can sit back and take time out to enjoy with her friends now!

I am not against the excitement and happiness that comes with planning a wedding. Or against having a gala wedding if one wants. It is all about personal choices. But what makes me write this blog is when it becomes burdensome and stressful for the family and ceases to be a joyful way to plan a wedding. One does that only to keep up with the times. And that is what I've been noticing a lot in Indian families in India as well as here in the United States. More than anything else, it is the institution of marriage that is going to be cherished for a lifetime.

Facebook - Over The Years

2009-11-28T12:59:00.000-08:00

The Facebook portal is not even ten years old! It was founded in 2004 by Harvard graduate Mark Zuckerberg. It catered primarily to high school and college students. In a short span of nearly six years, this social media site is now accessed not just by these two groups, but also moms and dads, grand parents, recruiting agents, teachers and others.
In random and not-so-random conversations with different people, I came to know of different reasons that people would join Facebook. "I get to see photographs of students I had taught several years back," said one of my teachers, who is now a 'Friend' on Facebook. A grandmother was once telling me that she joined Facebook so she could see the latest updates from her daughter and granddaughter. She added that, "I can even add comments on those photographs." In the past one year, have seen people in their late fifties or sixties as new entrants to Facebook. After hearing stories of how their children connected to some long-lost friends or acquaintances, they too joined Facebook to meet their friends with who they attended school about 40 years ago!
One dad was very surprised when his daughter, who was going to the dorm in Freshman year showed him the picture of her new room-mates, who she had not even met or contacted virtually at all. In her curiosity to know about them, she found them on this portal.
This portal is also used by those who want to spread awareness about social causes.

Be a little careful as you set yourself up in the virtual world. It is not new now that potential employees will check you on Facebook before they call you for an interview or just after one. This will give them an idea of who the 'real' you is! A word for the wise, as is being told by several people is that keep your 'Internet' image clean. It always helps to Google yourself once in a while!
I had a positive experience myself. Before I went for an interview for an internship, I came to know through Google of a school alumnus who had interned there previously. But didn't give me any contact details of her. Wanting to know her experience at that place, I entered her name in Facebook, and there she was! I got a prompt reply from her after I messaged her through this social media website.

Changing Times

2009-11-28T12:25:00.000-08:00

This blog once again talks of the times back then and now. Growing up, I had seen aunties (Indian term of addressing a lady who was about your mother's age, or older or a bit younger), my mom included who were home makers. I remember thinking when I was young that it was not easy for my mom to manage home, cook two square meals, help N and I with homework, be socially active and do a whole host of other things.
My mother was a graduate from one of the well-known colleges of Mumbai. She always missed the opportunity of working professionally. And would tell both of us that wherever you are when you grow up, it is very important to be financially independent. And this was not just for the monetary aspect, she gave us that advice so that we can fend for ourselves, are capable of standing on our own two feet and in the process learn the lessons of life also. When I worked in Mumbai and even after I started working here in the United States, I feel that those words she said all those years back are still so relevant!

I feel so proud when husbands now support their wives to pursue their career opportunities. Again, these are things that a lot of us had not seen when we grew up. I was so happy when R would support M to start applying for jobs and help her create resumes for different jobs she applied for. Now that she has one, R guided M to approach the subject of a salary hike to her bosses.
In another instance, P would take mock interview sessions for H when she applied for admission in school. He would also drive her to and fro from where she had to practice for those entrance exams for admission in the school.

Our close friends P and U also have a similar story. P is very accomodating and would urge U to take a breather once she is home from work than enter the kitchen to make rotis (Indian flatbread, made of wheat flour). "We can eat frozen food tonight," P would say. But U being U, she will go the extra mile to eat healthy!

A himself has been so very supportive and encouraging when I am in a new field altogether and need more time to study, or am tied for time as I juggle work, classes and home. Like several other men, he is absolutely fine with not getting home-made rotis seven days a week or having the house spic and span. I remember he had signed me up to attend a journalism conference even before I came to the United States for the first time as he felt it would be ideal for me to start building contacts in this field. For him, it is much more important that I do something meaningful professionally and achieve something. There have been times when am busy or just don't feel like it, he would cook for the week.

These are signs of how times are changing, how relations, priorities and aspirations are evolving over time. More moms back home would be proud of what their daughters and sons are doing to achieve something they always wanted for themselves and their children also!

Misconceptions Galore

2009-11-07T18:04:00.000-08:00

How many times have we seen really bizarre questions being asked about a particular country? Ignorance doesn't seem to be the only reason for this. Over the course of nearly four years in this country, I've seen that people in the United States and people in India have several misconceptions about the other country.

I must have easily been asked more than a dozen times if my writing as a journalist in India was in English or my mother tongue. When they would know that growing up in India, I have been speaking English since I was three or four, it would surprise them to no end. And then questions would come up like, "You learnt English, but did you also write for English newspapers and magazines?" "How is it that people in India would speak and read English and not just their own language?" I would reason with them initially, and then learnt to decipher with who to reason, and who to just smile at when they asked this question.

I have also come across those who say, "But people in China do not speak English. How do you?"

Another extremely common question asked is, "Do you still see camels and elephants on the road everyday?" There are so many people who fail to keep up with current developments and know that India has developed by leaps and bounds in the past decade.

M once told me that when she said that she didn't eat chicken regularly in India, her colleagues remarked, "Did you not eat chicken regularly because India is a poor nation and you wouldn't get it often?"

On the other hand, I've seen people from India have misconceptions about the United States as well. My mother was really happy to see that families here make the effort to spend time with their children. She really liked that parents would take their toddlers to the library on a weekend or take them to a park or that parents and their adolescent children will go together to a restaurant. Like a lot of people in India, she too was under the impression that in this country parents have their own schedule and children are on their own and that a healthy family life was difficult to have here.

I'll again bring up my trip to India. Even when I lived in India, I never really developed a taste for alcohol. When we would go for dinner to family friends' houses, uncles and aunties would offer wine or other alcoholic drinks and I would decline. They wouldn't say anything, but their look said that if she has lived there, then also why doesn't she drink alcohol? Why would they think that just because I live in America, I would enjoy alcohol?

A tells me that we have to tell one person at a time what the ground reality is and that that is the only way people know what the base reality is. Will keep updating this post as I come across more of such discussions

House Help - How helpful?

2009-11-07T16:12:00.000-08:00

Coming from India, I was used to seeing house maids or baais (as they are called in India) in and out of my house everyday. I could say that almost every house would have house help to aid with laundry, house cleaning and dishes. For those who have never had maids at home, it could be a little daunting. I would like to say that if you're thinking that having a maid at home to do all the chores will make day-to-day life very smooth and leave you spare time, then please re-consider your thought.

Residents from this southern part of Asia will have very interesting anecdotes to tell about their house help. The first step to having a maid is to find one. And in Baroda where I grew up, this was a steep task. Once you found a maid and the tough task of negotiating the rate was done, then came the training part. Every mom wanted her house chores to be done in a specific manner. It would be at least a couple of months before the maid was set in her routine.

Then comes an interesting twist. Almost everyone faces days when you have become dependent on the help and have set your routine according to theirs. One fine day the maid doesn't turn up, without any notice. All hell breaks loose at this point. The women of the house have already wasted time waiting for the baai to turn up. When he/she doesn't, they nervously think how to finish all those chores of doing the daily laundry, cleaning the house and doing the dishes.

This waiting and then nervously coming up with a plan to do chores on my own is one thing I am glad I don't have to do over here. Having lived with and without a house help now, I am glad to do things on my own now. I don't end up wasting time micromanaging the help, coordinate my schedule with theirs and also supervise their work.

On my trip to India this summer, I saw that several of my friends invest a lot of time just instructing the help what to do for one particular day, come up with work just to keep the maid occupied and managing the one or two house helps that are there at the same time. As V very aptly said, "When you know that there is no one to help you, you just do things on your own. And because of this, I like the routine that people are set in, in the United States. It doesn't go haywire." This is so true. At least you do not get dependent on someone and then have almost a panic attack when the dependent person is not there. And when you do your chores on your own, you are bound to do them nicely.

I saw a whole new dimension of house help in Mumbai. Maids will drop the children to the bus stop and pick them up when they return home from school. When a family relative told some mothers of her daughter's classmates that she will not have a maid to do that job and that she'd rather drop her daughter herself at the bus stop, the mothers didn't like it. It was almost a norm for kids to be dropped by the maids.

Though there are times here when we do miss house help. Like when a child is born and you need sleep and don't really want to spend time in the kitchen, you are bound to do that and do the laundry and run the dishwasher also! Or during parties or family functions when there is immense work load in terms of cleaning the house, getting the silverware out, and more. But then there always will be pros and cons to any situation.

Writing this blog took me back to all those years when there would be house help and then not have them at the most crucial time like N's wedding or an illness or having guests at home. It also reminded me of some of the nicest house help who I will always remember fondly. It brings a smile to my face when I remember of those phone calls my mother would make to neighbors or they would call my mom and say, "My maid is not here today, if yours does turn up, can you send her at my place for some time. I really need help today!" Here's to all those wonderful memories!

Cooking Made Easier With Everyday Products

2009-10-27T16:30:00.000-07:00

On my trip to India during the summer, I decided to make quesadillas for A's parents and my parents. His parents had them before, but my parents had not. The night before I wanted to make them, a very simple thought came to my mind. Cooking in the United States is way more easier than it is in India.

My mom soaked red kidney beans overnight, so I could use them for my dish the next step. This was the first step that would be avoided if I were here. Get a can of Bush's canned kidney beans, open the can and your beans are ready to use. The next day, I made salsa from scratch to put in the quesadilla. I make that here also, but again, a step that can be very easily avoided if time is a restraining factor. There is no dearth of getting salsas - whichever ones suit your palette - hot, medium or mild, chunky or not. You do get ready made salsas in India, but cost was a factor and a more important factor was how much were my parents going to use after I left!

Next was shredding cheese. Because of the size of packets of cheese you get there, we just decided to get a block of cheese and shred it. This was not bad at all as it hardly took any time.

In the evening came one of the most tedious tasks. I am sure several people would not make quesadillas if it were not for the ready made corn or flour tortillas. Since those were not available there, mom and I made them, just the way we get it here in the store. We made the dough, she rolled the tortilla and I semi-cooked them and wrapped them in a piece of cloth.

I made a kidney bean and veggie filling for the quesadilla.

After all these steps, I was ready to do the simple task of making the dish, that is not at all time consuming. The efforts were paid off as A's and my parents thoroughly enjoyed the quesadilla. When I was patting the quesadilla on the pan, my mother quietly quipped, "No wonder everyone makes this so often there. Everything is ready-made, and so naturally it is easy for you to make this frequently!" She sure was right on that one.

The biggest benefit was that I got to cook with my mom, spend time with her, and relive memories of the past when we'd just sit in the kitchen as she would cook and we'd talk!

If you give a moment's thought, it is not just quesadilla that makes cooking easier over here. Most dishes are not just fairly easy to cook, but not time consuming also. Students, stay-at-home moms, working mothers, dads and others do not have time to spend in the kitchen and cook for a couple of hours. So many things are at our disposal, at a reasonable price also. Things like canned beans, chopped lettuce and other greens for salads, pasta sauces - alfredo, marinara, chopped vegetables ready to throw in the pan and saute, and so many other ingredients can be incorporated in everyday dishes to make cooking quicker, healthier and easier. We tend to take things for granted, but like other situations, when you do not have something, you then realize the value of it.

Despite the ease of cooking here, people tend to eat out a lot. In the recent past, A and I have met friends and other acquaintances who said that when they consciously make an effort to eat home-cooked food, not only does it make them feel better health-wise, but also makes their pockets better too!

Public Mode of Commuting In Two Countries - Similar, Yet So Different

2009-10-21T17:53:00.000-07:00

There is something about public mode of commuting that I really like. When living in Mumbai, India, my daily commute involved traveling by bus and train or only a bus ride to go to work and return home. A lot of people would complain about traveling in peak hours in the morning and in the rush-hour traffic in the evening, but I liked it.

I distinctly remember hoping to get a window seat if I took a bus and just getting lost in my thoughts for the hour-long ride. If I took a local train back home, then I would generally stand by the door and enjoy the cool breeze waft through my hair. Mom and I took a train ride on my recent trip to India and like old times, I stood by the door. It felt the same.

Have been a regular city bus commuter here also for almost a year now. In the morning bus, either I study or just enjoy the rising sun and still get lost in thoughts! In several ways, commuting is the same in India and here in the United States. There is the same rush-hour traffic, same way of people trying to balance themselves, as well as their hand bags, bags or purses and also hold on to the steel rods for support. Another similar aspect is how people become bus-buddies or commuting buddies as you travel at the same time in the same bus.

What is different is that if you are in India, people generally sit next to a person already sitting. Over here, you'll sit on a different seat than on a seat where someone already is sitting.

I noticed this thing during last winter's snow storm. Buses were running late by almost 45 minutes because of the snow storm. When the bus finally arrived, it naturally was over crowded and people were relieved to get on the bus. I remember having a bag pack and a hand bag with me that day. With those two, I balanced myself to stand as there was no room to sit. I stood that way for more than an hour till my bus stop came and I went home.

Had it been India, there would be 'aunties' or even young women or men who already had a seat, and they would offer to hold your bag, so you could stand comfortably, especially knowing that you'd already stood long to get on to this bus.

Another interesting aspect of taking the public mode of transportation in India is getting an opportunity to hear about people's stories, how their day was, and other similar things. It happens here also, but is lesser. People here would talk in more hushed tones than in voices that would be audible to several others.

I traveled by train almost everyday when in Mumbai. There was so much to see and learn from the vendors who would hop on the train with their ware to sell. The difficulties they faced, their trials and yet have a smile on their face. Young girls would come to sell hair clips, fancy rubber-bands to put in the hair, safety pins, earrings and much more. They would put their ware in saree boxes and move from one compartment to the other.

Others would get food items to eat, or sell plastic covers for books, plastic covers to put ID cards, fruits of the season and much more. Not only was it enterprising they sold products that are important for daily life, but it was a learning experience of sorts to see them work hard. This kind of an experience is difficult to get here. I didn't see much of this even when I traveled in NYC's local trains.

One of the biggest lessons I learnt taking the public mode of transport was street smartness and being alert. They are key things to traveling safe and enjoy it (if you are like me!) as you go to work or come back home!

A Boy or A Girl?

2009-10-21T17:17:00.001-07:00

I have not read a lot about this or even heard about it in discussions. To start off, there are ten expecting moms I know who are going to deliver between October and December of this year. Three have already delivered beautiful babies. Two are girls, one's a boy. You may wonder the reason I started delving in to statistics. There is a reason for this.

It's not recent, but for several years, I have heard and am sure several others too have, that when a lady is expecting, the family always tells the to-be-mom that they want a boy or that they want a girl. Have noticed this across various nationalities and cultures. Jumping a little from statistics to biology, a woman has two X chromosomes and a man has an X and a Y chromosome. X is responsible for a girl and Y for a boy.

So when the crucial deciding factor is in the hands, rather chromosomes of the dad-to-be, I wonder why most of the times he is always kept out of the picture when it comes to people's preferences for the gender of an unborn baby? It may sound feministic, but I am just trying to put a fair, valid point. I have written blogs raving about talents that men have. Even otherwise, am not trying to put up a feministic viewpoint, but an observation I've had for several years.

This really makes me wonder why a woman, who is going to be a mother, who already is experiencing several unique challenges, have to face one more, where things are not even in her control. And like me, many of you would have also seen how young as well as senior people still have the want of a boy in the family. Or some who've had all boys really desire a girl. And once the baby is born, if it is a girl, even in this day and age, there are people who are not as joyous than if it were a boy.

They say times are changing and things change with time. Sure they do. And some remain the same also. Hopefully, more people will vocalize their desires for a boy or a girl in the right direction and tell the right person.

Social Groups: A Result of Different Age Groups

2009-10-17T10:47:00.000-07:00

It has happened to me often during social get-togethers that I feel I do not fit in the right group. While discussing with a friend from Connecticut once, she too felt the same. We are married women, but do not have kids yet. So M and I both felt that we feel ill-fitted in the group of married women, but they have little children. Their talks revolve around what the baby is eating, his or her sleeping habits, new things it has learnt or for that matter new things parents learnt from the child! I do not have kids yet, and can relate to the talk only to a certain extent.

And then is the group of people who are in their early 20s, but not yet married. I relate more to this group, as they talk of their activities over the weekend, shopping, or guys they liked. During one of my conversations with M, she once said, 'I can definitely say that oh this boy is good looking and all, but beyond that I don't think I'll be interested more'. Which is so true. These girls are talking about going out on dates, other girls that the boy may like or more. Although we can only contribute to some extent, we enjoy listening to these talks.

And the third group is of aunties - who are our mothers' age. I enjoy talking to them, can relate to what they talk, but again, I am not their age yet!

What A and I felt some weeks back is that there are groups of people who are in the same boat as we are. And when we are with that group, it is so much easier to connect with them. They are at the same phase of life, getting their priorities straight, know what they want to achieve, but also know the road ahead is long and not so easy. We are glad we have that group and know we can look to them when we just need someone to talk to!

I am sure a lot of other people have also noticed the different groups that just seem to form in a party or a social gathering. They mingle with others also, some with a little effort, some do that effortlessly, but at the end of the day we all have our own groups, where we find that comfort level.

Learn Cooking from Those With The 'Y' Gene

2009-09-23T17:56:00.000-07:00

It seems I am getting nostalgic. Must have told my mom so many times that since I moved to the United States, which is nearly three and a half years back, I must have not just learnt different amazing recipes, but practical kitchen tips from men. Coming from a state in India, where a vast majority of men never entered the kitchen, even to make a cup of tea, it still surprises me and makes me so happy to learn a lot of cooking from men.

'A' himself is such a good cook. I always saw how my grand mother would toss the vegetables in the pan with one flick of the hand. And then after all these years, 'A' taught me how to do it. And then there's 'N' from Connecticut. What an amazing cook. He would call the entire gang -- almost 8-10 of us at his place, only because he wanted to cook. He would make the best appetizer from karela, by stuffing it and coating it in seasoned bread crumbs and baking it to make it a healthy appetizer!

I have to tell this anecdote of another friend from CT, who is such a natural cook. If you see him cooking, you know that it is in his genes. The entire gang was up at his place in Boston for the July 4 weekend. After seeing spectacular fireworks by the river, hunger got the better of all of us and we thought of going to a Diner. Most of them were closed on account of July 4. We headed back home. At 1 in the night, he made the best rajma (kidney beans in an Indian gravy) and rice. And guess what, that too without onions and tomatoes as he didn't have any at home. He made eggs-to order and heated up some leftover Thai curry that he made the previous day.

I must have thought of this occasion several times when I am bored, don't want to cook or am missing on some ingredient. It just peps me up and I no longer worry how my food will be.

I also learnt how to make daal (Indian lentils) in a jiffy from him.

After seeing the attitude of several Indian men in India and in the United States towards food and having the ability or inability to cook, I respect men who dish out amazing food. And that too not because they have to do it, but because they want to do it!

Time Management - The Indian Way

2009-09-17T18:17:00.000-07:00

I had always heard a lot about Indians being known for not being punctual and that to a large extent, it is considered fashionable to be late. For people who do not know, IST is sometimes an abbreviation for 'Indian Stretchable Time', instead of the real 'Indian Standard Time'.

I had first hand experiences of people being late on my recent trip to India, about two months ago.

S called and said 'I will be there in ten minutes for sure. Can't wait to see you'. So I reach there by that time and am waiting for her in the sweltering July heat. 15 minutes have passed and there is no sign of her. I message her and ask if she is going to get late. The reply is prompt. 'Will be there in five minutes. Another 7-8 minutes and still no sign of her. I call up now. "I am leaving home now as I was forced to eat lunch". At this point I am losing patience for standing in the heat for more than half an hour. After that phone call, I decide not to call and just wait till she comes. I was losing patience faster and faster. 'Bas two minutes and I'll be there'. She finally came almost ten minutes after that. In all, I must have easily stood for 50 minutes in the sun.

I was livid and couldn't help but get mad at S although I was meeting her after more than three and a half years. I can understand that you have commitments and get late. But how much time or money does it take to just call or text a person and inform that they are running late. And that is not expecting a whole lot also! Anyway, after the meltdown, I had a great time with S and S. And we caught up on what's going on in our lives, and that we're happy where we are.

This was my first stint with punctuality or non-punctuality should I say

About a week after this, I am supposed to meet P at a restaurant at 1:30 in the afternoon. We are to meet at a popular restaurant, where it is difficult to get a table. And once you get a table, you eat your meal and leave. I reached around 1:45 PM, having been re-educated about punctuality already. I wait for about 15 minutes and then get a table. There is no sign of P at this time. It is half an hour beyond the time we were supposed to meet. I keep calling and get a call waiting. Finally around 2:15 PM, he calls and says he is leaving and was caught up in a phone interview with a person he was trying to get for some time. Again, because of the delay, I spent less time with P. Once again, no heads up that he was getting late.

My third stint was on my birthday. Another friend S was going to come around 3:30- 4:00 PM to wish me. This was coincidentally my last day in India before I took my flight to come back home. S is known to not keep time. But there was no call from her at all till about 8:00 PM. She of course didn't come till 4:00 PM, but no call after also. She called around 8 and said if she could come at 9:00. I had to say no A's parents were to come for dinner. She finally came after 10:00 PM that night. Once again, no information or notice that that person was going to be late - not by half an hour or so, but by a full six hours!

Why do people fail to think about other people's inconveniences? Why do they not think that other people are on tight schedules also, if not, tighter also? Why not spend a Rupee and just inform the other person that they're running late. Beats me how being late to some people makes them think that they are really busy and gives a sense of superiority. Have seen people in India and here in America who are professionally and socially at a much higher level, yet really respect time. It really is not very difficult to keep time. Try it.

The Diminishing Tradition of Pickle Making

2009-09-17T15:28:00.000-07:00

Each family has some special things that are passed on from one generation to the other. Be it heirlooms, grandma's stories, family secrets or delectable recipes. Talking about food, when discussing with friends yesterday, we all realized how there are some recipes that might not be a part of our generation.
For instance, pickle and condiments. Our mothers laboriously toiled literally for days on end to make the most delicious pickles. They would make several different types of pickles - from shredded mango to pieces of mango, making and sweet, sour and spicy pickle. To add to that, the enthusiastic mothers also made different types of lemon pickles and many more. Anyone who has grown up in India will know that it used to be a project for the women of the family to sit and peel all mangoes, then cut them of almost the same size, leave them in the sun to dry for some time. Some other steps included mixing these pieces or shredded mango in the syrup, tying with a cloth and putting them in the sunlight for the sugar to melt.
The pickle was ready to eat two to three days after it was prepared and transferred in large jars. And this pickle would last the family for an entire year. To come to the point, some mothers still go through this laborious task of making pickle or achaar as it is called in Hindi. Some mothers don't if they have an empty nest at home and they have no one who would relish the pickle anymore. Some mothers make it despite having an empty nest. They would send it to their sons and daughters in other countries and give it to their relatives or friends. While talking yesterday, it made me curious as to how many children of my generation actually know how to make pickles. I am quite sure that if we were given just raw mangoes and some spices, we would not know how to proceed with it. It is a tradition that will not be carried forward for a very long time. There are several reasons for that. One is that the weather required to make these pickles is not there in other countries where the children may have settled.
The second reason is that time is a very important criteria in today's world. Gone are the days when mothers spent hours doing kitchen chores. Today, men and women do not make that a priority. Which brings me to the point that priorities have changed. And a very big factor is the ease with which ready-made food is available.
While speaking with friends yesterday, we were discussing that Swad, Deep and Sanjeev Kapoor's pickles are really delicious. It has become very convenient to just purchase a bottle from the shelf of an Indian store and you have pickle ready to be eaten. About 10-15 years back, this was not even thought of. It was only mom's pickle that went with the school tiffin box and for meals at home.
Our mothers learnt the art of making pickles, papads, and other annually made recipes from their mothers and their grandmothers and it was on passed on to them also from the generation before them. Some mothers still ask their children what they want to eat and in spring would make that pickle. That's where the pickle making translated from just a task to more than that. It's the sentiment of making so that everyone would enjoy it. Sadly, it won't be very long till the wonderful way of making pickles will be known only by reading in books and the Internet and not be seen as we did.

Of Doting Dads

2009-09-17T15:26:00.000-07:00

We all come across situations and conversations that take place and they pass by as time goes. But then you still think about those moments and ponder about them. These couple of instances are something on those lines.
My husband and I met a family friend of our relatives over dinner one day. The friend, a person who muse be in his late '50s or early '60s has a daughter who is expecting. His wife passed away nearly fifteen years back. His daughter wanted to eat 'paapdi no lot'. A person with some knowledge about Gujarati food will know that 'paapdi no lot' is a dish that is not easy to prepare. He was absolutely calm about making it and didn't fret at all. He simply said that his daughter wanted to eat it and so he was going to make it.
He didn't have all ingredients to make it, so he took some from our relative. Almost a week or so after this incident, I still think about this incident. The girl is extremely fortunate to have a father who is tending to her needs in such a beautiful manner. I see more and more of how wonderfully fathers of all ages take up responsibilities of their children.
In another incident, a nephew was inviting his uncle to visit the United States. His uncle lost his wife nearly five years back and has two unmarried daughters still. He told his nephew that when he comes to the United States, then like several Indians who visit there, he would need at least three months to meet all relatives and visit places. But then he added that he will be able to do this at ease when both his daughters get married. "I have to get them both married first. Only then can I come there." Yes, it is natural for him to fulfill the responsibility as a parent, but it's a different thing to be so caring and do it with so much love and affection.
We all have our stories of dads and their children or incidences that stay in our minds and we ponder about. Put them in your comments if you feel comfortable about that. This blog is for my dad and all the wonderful dads who reach out to their children in their own special unique way

The City of Mumbai That Is

2009-09-09T10:03:00.000-07:00

When I lived in Mumbai, I used to go home to Baroda almost every fortnight. I used to meet with my friends during the Saturday and Sunday I got and then Sunday night or early Monday morning, I would head back for Mumbai. You know you have entered Mumbai the minute Mira Road station arrived. It’s a different feel altogether. The urgency people have in their steps, the pushing around to rush in the train that arrives every three minutes and the noise – all this and much more tell you that Mumbai has arrived. Whether you are alighting at Borivli, Andheri, Dadar or Mumbai Central station, the situation or rather the chaos is the same. The coolies are jostling to get inside at the same time passengers want to alight and walk towards the exit.
It is chaotic, it is dirty, people do push and you realize how people smell and have a sticky skin, but I still love the city, almost three years after I left it to come to the United States. I became a part of the spirit of Mumbai while I was there and it still lives within me. Mumbai’s made me a more confident, out-spoken person. I learnt one of the most important characteristics inherent to the city – to be street-smart and bindaas. How I love the cool air passing through my hair as I stand next to the compartment door of local trains and the enthusiasm with which the road-side keepers sell their wares – be it fresh vegetables or fruits, or daily home-related things like clothes line, soap bars or even lingerie for that matter.
This is only the beginning of how it feels when you enter this gigantic city. Yet you feel that you are a part of it. Although I have never grown up in Mumbai, I still feel that way. Here’s to the city and the indomitable spirit of it!